


joyride

by toastyhyun



Series: VIXX GTA!AU [5]
Category: VIXX
Genre: (or is it), GTA AU, Gang AU, Heist fic, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-03-06 10:14:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13409088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toastyhyun/pseuds/toastyhyun
Summary: Sanghyuk loves his boyfriend, very much so. Increasingly, though, he's began to notice something within himself that's drawn to Jaehwan, too. He finds comfort in knowing Hakyeon feels the same way, and if there's a possibility that Jaehwan returns both their feelings, there's no use in not following through. It's whether or not Jaehwan wants to go along or not that's the problem.





	1. grand theft auto

**Author's Note:**

> firstly, a rundown if you haven't read the other installments of gta au: all six of vixx are in a crew together, gta-style. they live together on the top floor of an apartment building and perform various jobs together, eg heists and robberies and whatnot. if you want some more detailed info, the other fics are [ here](http://archiveofourown.org/series/362036%22). you don't have to read them to read this, but it will help in some understandings of dynamics between characters and whatnot.
> 
> secondly, thank you to [appia](http://archiveofourown.org/users/jeannedarc) for literally holding my hand through the two(?) years it took me to write this and always encouraging me to Finish The Damn Thing. sorry for the super long periods of writer's block in between. next time i promise i won't take as long
> 
> thirdly, thanks @ whoever reads this. it's kinda messy and the style is all over the place bc i had such long blocks where i didn't write for it at all, but it's done, and it's coherent, and i hope u like it.

It’s Friday night and all Sanghyuk wants to do is sleep -- he remembers hearing the end of the week is supposed to relax you and help you unwind, but it feels like as the days pass, his stress is only ramping farther and farther upwards instead. He turns over on their mattress and mushes his face as far into Hakyeon’s chest as he can, an arm slung over his stomach to keep him close.

It’s silent and it’s comfortable and really, he doesn’t think he’d rather be anywhere else at any other time, but in _this_ moment his blood itches in his veins and he wants to do something, do _anything_ to expel the pent-up energy that crawls under the surface of his skin. Hakyeon is beside him though, snuffling in a way that’s very obviously drowsy and the touch he drags across Sanghyuk’s back growing more and more languid as the minutes pass. He knows his boyfriend will be asleep soon enough.

He’s about to consider asking Hakyeon if they can have sex or something before bed to soothe his bouncing nerves when Jaehwan bursts in with his usual dramatic flair, the noise of the door swinging open and hitting the doorstop making both of the boys on the bed jerk into full attention, Hakyeon’s reaction time perhaps a half second slower.

“Hello,” he drawls, not even waiting for a greeting from either one of them and simply speaking as soon as Sanghyuk turns and their eyes meet, “I’m going out for a bit. D’you want to tag along?”

On one hand, he can feel Hakyeon’s fingers press possessively into the small of his back as he pulls him a bit closer, and he’s sure that it wouldn’t take too much convincing to roll over atop him and incite something. But on the other, Jaehwan’s eyes are inviting and kind of shining in the light and the lilt to his smile has _just_ enough mischief to thoroughly tempt him, make him groan, and roll off the bed to his feet.

“Sure,” he says, stretching his arms out above his head and wiggling his fingers until his elbows bend back down and neck cracks. “Give me a bit to get dressed?”

“Dress darkly,” is all Jaehwan says before he saunters out, leaving the door wide open and silence behind in his wake. It takes Sanghyuk a moment to kick back into gear, light on his feet as he scatters among the room to try and find something to wear.

He can feel Hakyeon’s eyes on him and when he’s pulled on what he hopes is dark enough -- a black turtleneck and loose deep navy jeans with a pair of inky gloves stuffed into their pockets -- he turns to find his gaze soft, droopy, but fond most of all. His own smile is gentle and he steps over to crawl halfway back into bed, knees on the mattress and one palm cupping the other’s cheek, its pair framing the opposite side of his head.

“Come back safe, mm?” Hakyeon’s voice is scratchy and sleepy but firm round the edges, raising his own fingers to brush along the side of Sanghyuk’s face, where it goes just the lightest pink beneath his touch. His smile grows when he notices, which only darkens the blush -- it’s a circle of embarrassment that Sanghyuk has to stop with a soft peck to the corner of his boyfriend’s mouth.

He knows Hakyeon worries often, knows it comes with being the boss, the leader, the makeshift guidance counsellor for five other boys -- because really, they should be men, but they all act like boys anyways. He knows it extends even a bit farther to him, as both the his lover as well as the group’s youngest, and while he knows that the three years between he and Hongbin can mean a lot in terms of experience, it can be a bit stifling sometimes too, when he’s treated so childlike by even the person closest to him.

“I’ll be fine,” he reassures, for what’s probably the nth time, pressing another chaste kiss to Hakyeon’s forehead and grinning crookedly, playfully. “Wouldn’t want to ruin all the planning we’ve done for the next heist by getting hurt before it’s even happened, would I?”

“Har har,” snorts the elder, and he gives Sanghyuk a gentle shove by the chest, pushing him up and back to his feet off the bed. He reaches for the comforter and pulls it high up to his shoulders, scooting himself over more towards the centre of the bed, “What a comedian. Hurry up and go, before Jaehwan leaves without you.”

He laughs and blows a kiss, tossing an “I love you, sleep well” over his shoulder before he’s out the door, black socked feet slipping into equally black shoes at the front of the penthouse before he steps into the elevator and then outside. The air is black as well, as black as can it possibly be in a city the size of Seoul, light pollution obvious but not quite strong enough to be able to see Jaehwan without the aid of the streetlights as he leans against the wall outside the front doors, hands tucked into his jacket pockets.

He glances up from where he’d been staring down towards his feet and grins and his eyes are still just as alluring, drawing Sanghyuk maybe a step too close, “Ready to go?” Jaehwan’s voice snaps him from the slight stupor he’d entered and he nods, smile gummy.

The expression only falters a little when he glances to the side and sees... no car, for once -- which is weird, considering Jaehwan is The Car Guy. He’s got more supercars than Sanghyuk previously even knew existed and can handle the wheel better than any stunt driver he’s seen on tv. Yet there’s nothing in the road, and when he steps out to glance further down either side of the street he doesn’t see anything special there, either.

“What are we doing?” He asks, turning back with an expression that is nothing but quizzical, “Are we not driving?”

“No, we’re driving,” says Jaehwan, voice simple and hands still tucked deep in his pockets as he starts down the sidewalk. Sanghyuk only now notices the crowbar just peeking out the end of the sleeve of his jacket, cradled in his gloved fingertips. “We just aren’t taking anything that I own... yet.”

It takes a little bit to piece the words, the crowbar, and the dark clothing together and he’s unable to stop the soft _oh_ that pops out his mouth as he realizes, feet kicking into gear at the same moment as he trips over himself to catch up. “What brought this on?”

Jaehwan only shrugs, ever the epitome of ‘ _cool_ ’, “I’m bored, what other reason would I need? Not everything has a purpose.”

(It’s a lie. It’s an outright lie and they both know it, because Jaehwan has never done anything that doesn’t have some sort of motive, some backing as to _why_. But he leaves it be and doesn’t say anything, because a little white lie between friends shouldn’t mean anything, despite how much he wonders.)

Sanghyuk only hums in response and they walk a few more blocks in comfortable silence, avoiding the light when they can and ducking their heads from the glare of headlights mostly out of habit. They’ve passed countless cars parked on the streets and really, when Jaehwan stops at a particular one and the crowbar slips from inside his sleeve into the curve of his palm, Sanghyuk has no clue as to why. He’s not much of a car guy.

He’s about to ask what’s so special about _this_ car, of all the expensive vehicles lining the curb, but the little sharp intake of breath he hears and the roundness of Jaehwan’s eyes stops him a second and the question is gone from the tip of his tongue as soon as it’d appeared. It takes a few seconds of watching the elder move to the driver’s side for him to blink from his daze with the shake of his head, wondering exactly when he started noticing how nicely the light reflected off the other’s eyes.

“Come here.” His voice is quiet but the command in it carries well and Sanghyuk takes the steps round the hood without question, tugging his gloves from his pocket and slipping effortlessly into them. Jaehwan raises the crowbar and wedges it to create space between the top of the door and where the roof curves over towards it, seemingly without much struggle or heave, licking his lips and stepping back from the tool. “I need you to pull that down and hold it open for me.”

Sanghyuk does just that, fingers wrapping around the part of the crowbar that extends out from the car and pulling it down, the metal of the car giving a loud groan at the strain he puts on it, though he creates a space that apparently is deemed large enough, if the pleased noise Jaehwan makes is any hint. “How are you going to-- oh.”

Jaehwan has produced an unbent wire coat hanger from nowhere (probably his sleeve again), slipping it into the little gap and standing on tiptoe to peek over through the window. He struggles a few moments and Sanghyuk pulls out his phone with his free hand, turning on the flash to shine in through the gap as well to light the interior even slightly. Jaehwan hums praise and it only takes him a few seconds after the light is on to get the lock pushed open with the hook bent into the edge of the wire, slipping said wire back out to fold up and tuck into his pocket, opening the door and catching the crowbar before it falls and clatters to the cement.

He turns to Sanghyuk, teeth white and almost blinding with how wide he grins, how bright his smile is against the dark backdrop of his clothes and the sleeping city behind him, “Ready for the fun part?” Sanghyuk’s heart skips a few beats in excitement and the way Jaehwan laughs when he trips on his way round the hood of the car only has his pulse jumping further.

He slips inside through the passenger door after Jaehwan’s unlocked it, catching only the tail end of the elder’s head and hands fiddling beneath the opened steering column before the car roars to life at the same time he buckles his seatbelt, lights flickering to life and engine revving a few times as Jaehwan pumps the pedal. He sets a roll of black electrician’s tape aside and Sanghyuk diligently stuffs it into the glovebox, turning back to find Jaehwan jamming a screwdriver behind the wheel over the top of the column and he gives it a right yank, the sound of the steering lock snapping audible even over the purr of the engine.

“Could you have picked a more conspicuous car?” He asks with only the driest of tones, head turning to glance out the tinted window where lights are turning on in the apartments above. He’s sure that the distant but familiar sounds of sirens will soon follow.

“Would you rather me have picked a Honda Civic so we could take a nice evening drive around the countryside?” Jaehwan’s voice is just as lilted as ever, teasing, the wheel moving freely between his hands as he adjusts his mirrors and shifts the seat back until he’s comfortable. “I figured excitement would be best drawn through something a little more.. powerful.”

And if Sanghyuk shivers slightly at the way the elder’s tone drops a little with emphasis, neither of them bother mentioning it, falling silent until the telltale sound of sirens in the distance grows louder, red and blue hues peeking up over the tops of buildings. Jaehwan is all muscle memory movement as he jerks the gear shift into place, pumps the pedals, the heel of his free hand twisting the wheel until he’s pulling off the side of the road and into its middle.

Almost as if on cue, cop cars come streaming into their little side road -- perhaps they’d been recognized by whoever’d called from the apartments above, because judging by the sheer number of vehicles they’ve sent and the way the volume of the sirens is enough to wake up the whole neighborhood, it’s clear the cops have been tipped off that there’s most likely going to be a chase.

And boy, does Jaehwan give them a chase.

It’d be mesmerizing, how he manages the car as second nature without even so much of a thought as to how to do it, but Sanghyuk is more caught up in the gravity of the car as it does a half circle spin on the back tires to face away from the cops and speed off, all in one motion. He’s unbearably thankful to have put his seatbelt on, having to keep a firm grip on the handle of the door and the side of his seat to keep his skull from thunking against the window. Thankfully, they’ve all been through this before -- granted that Jaehwan is their usual getaway driver, his rough driving style is easier to get used to with time, though the excitement it quells in the youngest’s belly never seems to die down quite like he thought it might after time.

He opens the window and lets the air rush in, arm sticking out the door to flip off the cops behind him with a real, hearty laugh, because _why not_. He can hear Jaehwan chuckle beside him and his heart’s in his throat, both with the thrill of the crime they’re committing and the little exhilaratingly dangerous zips Jaehwan is making through traffic on the roadway.

Apparently there’s either an AUX cord already in the car or Jaehwan’d brought one and plugged it in himself, because he tosses the other end of it and his own phone into Sanghyuk’s lap with one hand, the other pulling them off their side street and onto the highway. Amidst the jostling and the sirens he manages to plug it in and he finds a playlist titled _highspeed_ , clicking it and turning the volume up all the way.

The car immediately fills with the sounds of guitar and drums and it’s all high paced, mostly by some American band named Motorhead, songs Sanghyuk vaguely recognizes his father playing on their shitty stereo system back when he still lived with him. It only spikes his adrenaline higher with how intense the songs are as they drive, leg bouncing against the floor of the car and hand wound tight tight tight around the handle of his door.

Jaehwan is belting the lyrics when they pop up in his own broken English, the only recognizable thing coming out of his mouth being _The Ace Of Spades, The Ace of Spades_ ever so often and once Sanghyuk catches on he shouts it too, their laughter ringing loud even over the blaring music. He pulls the handgun strapped to his belt beneath his shirt out and, on complete impulse, fires a few shots up and out the window into the sky.

It’s unbearably stupid and reckless and Hakyeon would scold him for _days_ over it, but Jaehwan only laughs further beside him and Sanghyuk’s heart swells huge in his chest at the sound.

Jaehwan is driving in the direction of the flow of traffic, swerving between the cars that don’t manage to hear the sirens and pull over in time and just zigzagging in general to throw off the cops. He keeps their speed relative -- he doesn’t pull too far ahead, though Sanghyuk is almost sure with the power this engine seems to be packing it’d be no real feat to do it; he keeps the cops just outside the zone where they could manage to strike. It keeps Sanghyuk’s heartbeat in his throat, just as pushed to the edge of his seat in anticipation as he was the first time he’d ever taken a ride with Jaehwan.

Sanghyuk’s head tips back and he _crows_ , the sound freefalling through the air and out the window up to the sky, carrying all his stress and all his worries and fear up with it until it’s gone, dissipated among the clouds. It leaves him feeling lighter, carefree, absorbing himself in nothing but the adrenaline the chase gives him and the other feeling swelling in his chest when he glances over and sees the exhilarated expression Jaehwan has. It resembles something like fondness and he forcibly swallows it back down.

It’s later, when the excitement of the chase has begun to fade, that Jaehwan pulls ahead and away from the reach of the cops, easily evading their searchlights and helicopters and eventually, blending right into the flow of traffic. The two of them are still giggling every so often, breathless, the music turned down and playlist switched into something a little more mellow. Sanghyuk’s heart still goes a little faster than normal, but he refuses to acknowledge that it might be because of how good Jaehwan looks, one hand stretched over the wheel as he leans back into his seat, the other hand wrapped round the gearshift, sleeves rolled up his forearms.

It’s not like he doesn’t know Jaehwan is attractive -- he’s not an idiot. But the attraction he feels, the thrum in the bottom of his stomach, feels dirty in a way he’s not quite familiar with, because Hakyeon is still at the back of his mind. It leaves a sick taste in his mouth, yet he finds he still can’t look away and is only rustled from his thoughts when Jaehwan finally speaks.

“You want to go back now? Hakyeon’s probably waiting for you,” he says, eyes flickering over to Sanghyuk just a moment as he smiles, mouth lopsided and knowing. “He probably hasn’t slept a wink.”

“Yeah,” agrees Sanghyuk with a small little laugh, nodding and glancing just briefly at the clock on the dashboard. On another thought he reaches to check his phone for the first time that night, smiling fondly when he sees the myriad of texts that fill the screen from his boyfriend, mostly punctuated with heart emojis. “I should probably hurry back before he sends out a search party for us, or something.”

Jaehwan only hums in response and pulls off the highway they’d been cruising along, turning the music up the slightest bit. It doesn’t feel dismissing at all but rather comfortable, and Sanghyuk relaxes into the easy atmosphere between them. It’s hard to imagine what it’d been like, when he’d been so jealous of how close Hakyeon and Jaehwan were that he’d disliked Jaehwan. He isn’t entirely sure what he’d have done if he’d never looked past the blinders of his envy.

They park the stolen car in the garage and ride the elevator of the building all the way up to the penthouse with just aimless talk of the heist, little goings-over of the details. They step inside and the entire floor is silent, the entire crew asleep save for Hakyeon, who's assumedly in his own room.

"Tonight was fun," comments Jaehwan, tone offhanded as he wanders into the kitchen. Sanghyuk hums his agreement and watches as the elder opens the fridge, bending over to pluck a water bottle from inside and uncap it. He takes it when Jaehwan offers it to him, taking a long drawn out sip before handing it back over.

"Definitely," he echoes his assent once more, the hoarseness in his throat from all the yelling and hollering he'd done early soothed by the cold water. He idly wonders how Jaehwan had so automatically known he'd need a balm for his throat, deliberately doesn't dwell on the little warm swell in his chest that comes when he thinks about it.

He also really doesn't stare at Jaehwan's throat as he takes a drink of water for himself, his Adam’s apple bobbing and eyes closing in a picture perfect scene that is nearly sinful. His mind definitely doesn't scream at him over and over, _indirect kiss indirect kiss indirect kiss_. He's most certainly not dumbfounded into stupid silence, cheeks pink from what he refuses to acknowledge is most likely Jaehwan's fault. Sanghyuk is perfectly fine.

"Think I'll go to bed now," says Jaehwan when he's done, licking his lips with a little smile quirking their corners that makes Sanghyuk jolt a little in surprise, the look in the driver's eyes a little _too_ knowing.

He has to be imagining the suggestion hidden in his pupils as they linger a little longer on Sanghyuk's, darting down lower on his face just a fraction before he turns away, resealing the bottle and tucking it away, "Are you gonna stay up? Both you and Hakyeon should rest, the heist is coming up awful quick."

Sanghyuk is in a stupor, stuck between disbelief that any of the little things he's noticing are actually even happening and a little excitement at the fact that they are. He stays quiet maybe a beat too long before kicking back into focus and speaking, "No, no, I'm gonna head to bed before Hakyeon gets impatient. You sleep well, hyung."

Jaehwan hums, then chuckles, "Don't stay up too late having fun, now, wouldn't want to put the soundproofing of our rooms to test. Though I'm sure some of us might enjoy that, I doubt Taek will take well to being woken up so late, no matter how pretty your voice must be." He winks and then exits the room, leaving Sanghyuk leaning against the kitchen counter with tongue heavy in his mouth and pants a little tighter than usual.

The thought of Jaehwan listening in on him having sex -- of him imagining what Sanghyuk must sound like when he moans -- puts the youngest on edge immediately, his cock stirring in interest. His cheeks flush half with embarrassment and half with shame and he deliberately thinks of all the worst things ever to will away his erection before pushing himself up and away from the kitchen, and to Hakyeon. He crawls into bed feeling partly confused and partly guilty after dressing into sleep clothes, pulling his boyfriend into his arms once he's there.

Hakyeon turns in his hold so they're face to face and he smiles prettily, tan hand coming to rest on Sanghyuk's cheek as he thumbs over it just gently. He presses a quiet, sleepy kiss to the corner of his mouth, voice just as soft when he draws back, "What'd you two get up to?"

He tells Hakyeon about the new car they'd acquired, the chase afterwards, the thrill, the elder nodding and _ooh_ ing at all the right moments, and then he pauses at the end for a few moments before he tacks on, as nonchalantly as he can, "I think Jaehwan tried to come onto me afterwards."

Hakyeon raises an eyebrow at that, looking only somewhat surprised. "And?"

"Well, he was being all smirky and he had this look on his face, and he said something about staying up late and having fun with you, and then about my voice, and--"

"No, _and_ as in what did you do?" Hakyeon interrupts him, his hand sliding down to rest against the younger's chest. Sanghyuk swallows and he can feel heat climbing his neck. He'd deliberately left that part out, hoped they could skim over it, but the truthfully wondering look in his boyfriend's eyes makes him relent.

"I mean, Idunno," he starts, licking his lips nervously and continuing only upon Hakyeon's prompting nod, "it was weird? Like, I'm not going to lie to you and say I wasn't interested, 'cause I _was_ \-- but of course I have you! So I wasn't going to do anything. I wasn't even tempted, not at all, I didn’t reciprocate or anything." He adds the last part hastily, saliva thick in his throat when he swallows.

"You don't have to be so uptight, Hyukkie," says Hakyeon, a little lilt to his mouth as he chuckles. "Jaehwan is attractive and knows how to make work of that to sleep with who he wants, I'd be surprised if you _didn't_ fall for it, at least a little bit. Do _you_ want to sleep with him?"

The question is so blunt it makes Sanghyuk flush despite himself, a little whine bubbling up in his throat as he presses his forehead against Hakyeon's shoulder and resolutely nods. The latter laughs a little further at his embarrassment, nips at Sanghyuk's earlobe and makes him shiver. He starts whispering little filthy things into Sanghyuk's ear to get him going, hands wandering down his chest to the front of his pants, "Do you want him to fuck you? Or would you rather fuck him, Hyukkie? Open him up with your pretty fingers til he begs for you?" He continues on until Sanghyuk is gasping, clutching at the front of his shirt and pressing himself close, legs pressed neatly together as he grows harder and harder.

Later, when his lips are cracked and throat is wrecked from how loud he'd cried out and moaned and pleaded for more, and Hakyeon is off fetching water for him, he stares at the ceiling and wonders. He wonders if Jaehwan'd heard them like he'd mentioned he wanted to, wondered if his voice was truly as pretty as Jaehwan suggested it might be. He sits up and accepts the bottle presented to him, flushing when he notices it's half done and unsealed. He takes a few sips with lips pressed against the rim he'd watched Jaehwan's own mouth press to earlier, determinedly doing his best not to think about kissing him.

He fails miserably.

* * *

Hakyeon prides himself on being observant -- as the leader of their crew, he has to be, has to cover every detail of the plans and note every skill and weakness that each of his crew members has in order to make the most of all their potential.

So it doesn't take long for him to notice the way Jaehwan's behavior changes towards Sanghyuk and himself, no matter how subtle he tries to be about it. He smiles more often, laughs much louder, changes the tone of his voice into something just slightly more suggestive and flirtatious. He especially lets his touches linger on Sanghyuk whenever Hakyeon is in the same room as the two of them, his flickered gaze over to the elder pointed and clearly meaningful.

He doesn't comment on it at first, wondering if maybe he's just reading too far into the way Jaehwan's eyes always seem to hover on his mouth even after he's done speaking, but then Sanghyuk brings up the flirting and he's sure. (Sanghyuk is often dense enough to where if _he'd_ noticed, it must be deliberate on Jaehwan's part.) He's been entertaining the idea of pursuing Jaehwan for a while, now -- for sex, at first, but as he continues to look at him in the light of a potential partner he idly considers what it’d be like to pursue a relationship with him as well.

For now, though, that’s tucked away for sometime after the heist. He and Sanghyuk had briefly discussed the idea of inviting Jaehwan into their bedroom and though he was pink in the cheeks and flustered all over at the idea, Sanghyuk very clearly agreed, a little bit of excitement twitching his fingers from where they laced with Hakyeon’s own. But they’d also agreed that work came first, and that they’d both divert their attention to getting everything ready for the heist first to make sure it went off perfectly fine.

And the heist isn’t extremely complicated or elaborate, like some of the other things they’ve tried to pull off, but that doesn’t mean that Hakyeon is going to let anyone be distracted by anything else while on the job. One slip up can cause a chain of reactions that can lead to an injury or a death, and losing any of his crew members would be-- he doesn’t even want to begin to think about what that would be like. The thought alone is enough to keep him from trying to pursue anything with Jaehwan, at least for now.

They’ll wait until after the heist.


	2. heist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's not a lot of explicitly described violence in this chapter but they do kill some people w/ guns and combat and stuff if thats smth you don't wanna read! you can skip the whole first section and to the first line split if that bothers you.

“Tally… eighteen on the first floor, scattered. Ten on the second, four of them guarding the payload. Cellphone signals are jammed in the area within and around your location.”

Taekwoon’s voice is soft but solid through his earpiece as Sanghyuk makes his way round the building with Hakyeon flanking his back, ducking out of the view of any windows so he isn’t seen. They set up on either side of the door in second nature, Sanghyuk’s hand on the doorknob ready to wrench it open and Hakyeon’s rifle raised so he can see down the sights, his body lined up so he can have a straight shot inside as he enters first.

“Hongbin, hit it now and make your way over to Wonshik to breach the front,” says Hakyeon. “Taekwoon, eyes on police activity. Don’t let Jaehwan go anywhere, we need him glued to the front seat.”

“Hyung,” begins Jaehwan, in a whine, and Wonshik snorts over the line. Sanghyuk smiles in amusement at the nearly murderous, exasperated look that passes over Hakyeon’s face.

“No. We talked about this. Stay there unless we absolutely need you, in which case _I_ will tell you to engage.” His voice is stern as he interrupts where Jaehwan was, no doubt, going to try and wheedle his way into getting in on the action. Said grown man makes an incredibly childish, petulant noise over the line, the pout he undeniably has on his face audible in his tone. Sanghyuk wouldn’t be surprised if he’d stomped his feet against the floor of their getaway van.

A few blocks away, there are a few explosions large enough to shake the ground of the building they’re trying to get into, the plumes of smoke and fire they create raising up above the buildings. It doesn’t take long for sirens to be heard, and Taekwoon informs the crew over their comms that the force has been dispatched in a large amount to that area to combat what they’re assuming is a terrorist attack.

“Bin,” hisses Wonshik -- the demolitions expert must have arrived at his station outside the front of the building, “did you hurt anyone?”

“No, do you think that bad of me?” Hongbin scoffs in response, though there’s a smile in his voice. There’s a jostling that comes through the mic, which is either him slugging his boyfriend across the shoulder or leaning in to kiss him.

“Alright. Breach on my mark.” Sanghyuk’s grip tightens on the doorknob and he twists it in preparation, breath held as he waits for Hakyeon to call out, “Three, two, one… now!” and then he’s whirling the door open, holding it there to give a clear shot inside.

He can’t see from behind the door, but he hears Hakyeon fire off a few rounds and a few masses slump to the ground before he steps inside. Sanghyuk follows with his own rifle raised and ready, alert. They move in sync, surveying the area with a practiced ease that only comes with years of working with and around each other, soon confirming four kills over the comms after counting the bodies and dragging them aside. Sanghyuk props the door open with a guard’s shoe and relishes in the giggling that Hakyeon fruitlessly tries to stifle.

“We’ve got six down over here, and a lot more civilians than we predicted. Don’t think even Bin could hold them all himself, and we’ve still got twelve left on this floor. They’ll be here soon,” Wonshik comes through the line, and there’s a bit of muttering after that’s probably him telling the hostages to stay calm, or something of the like.

There’s a moment or two of silence, in which Jaehwan can practically be heard vibrating in his seat. Taekwoon clears his throat.

“ _Fine_ ,” gets out Hakyeon, tone exasperated. He barely finishes the one syllable before a whoop comes through, nearly blowing out the speaker in Sanghyuk’s ear and making him wince. There’s rustling and humming and Jaehwan shouts a quick goodbye (presumably to Taekwoon), and not ten seconds later he’s saying a breathless hello to Wonshik and Hongbin, followed by the audible click of a magazine being inserted into a rifle.

He mutes his own mic, but he can still be faintly heard over the two’s even as they leave the entranceway to find the other hostiles (“Hello, my dear audience! Seems like you’ve been entrusted to my watchful eye tonight. Ready to have some fun?!” Sanghyuk spots Hakyeon shaking his head just as Jaehwan’s voice fades out, but there’s a fond smile on his lips.)

“Two coming slow down the left hallway to you, three coming down from upstairs. Hakyeon, Sanghyuk, you can catch those three if you take the door on the right in t-minus… six seconds.”

On Taekwoon’s count, Hakyeon and Sanghyuk burst through the door, just as the three guards run past it. They don’t have time to even turn back before Sanghyuk is firing, _pop pop pop_ , right into the backs of their heads. Hakyeon slams a hand against his back in what he thinks at first is congratulations, but then he’s being shoved to the ground, bullets whizzing over the top of his head and shattering the drywall where his body had been not seconds before.

Hakyeon fires back in quick succession, taking down the fourth bogey with more bullets than necessary. He whirls around just as Sanghyuk is turning over onto his back to start getting up, holding either of his cheeks to turn him from side to side, eyes scanning him for any injury. Then he’s getting to his feet and pressing his hand against his mic until it’s practically pressed against his mouth as he snarls into it, volume blown out over the comms, “Taekwoon? What the fuck was that? You said there were three?”

“Sorry,” says Taekwoon, the usual soft monotone of his voice lined around the edges with sincerity, apology. “I got... distracted, and didn’t see him coming down as well. Jaehwan is, uh... well… he’s dancing?”

There’s the popping sound of a mic being unmuted, and then Jaehwan’s breath can be heard as he pants. “Were you watching me over the cameras, Taekwoonie? Did you see my sweet dougie? The little girl loved it in front, didn’t you?” There’s the faintest giggle of a child that comes through, but it does nothing to quell the fury rising through Hakyeon’s entire frame and shaking him to the core -- visibly, as his knuckles go white round his gun and he trembles where he stands.

“Your sweet dougie almost cost Sanghyuk his fucking spine. Taekwoon, eyes on the hostiles. Jaehwan, enough with the dancing. This is a job. Eyes on the civilians, make sure none of them get near the panic button, no making friends.” Hakyeon is almost spitting into the mic, he’s so mad. Sanghyuk, now on his feet, rests a hand at the small of his back, rubbing little circles there to try and get him to relax a little. Too much emotion is never good on a heist. Ever the professional, he heaves a slow breath, grip loosening as he forces himself to relax again. “Okay? Okay. How many left on this floor, now?”

“We took the two in the hallway!” chimes Hongbin. “So there’s two left somewhere on this floor, and six left upstairs.”

“Look at you. Mr. Mathemetician,” teases Sanghyuk over the comms, trying to hopefully lighten Hakyeon’s mood. He’s met with Wonshik’s laughter for about three seconds before it’s cut off with the sound of impact and then an exclamatory, affronted noise, and Hongbin’s snickers come through instead. Hakyeon still doesn’t look pleased, worry lines etched deep between his brows, but the line of his shoulders is a little less tense.

“There’s two guarding the top of the stairway, probably waiting for their buddies to come back, but the other four by the payload haven’t moved. They don’t look like they’ve been alerted, either.” Taekwoon speaks shortly, the background noise of the others falling out from behind his voice as they all stop to listen. “The best course of action would be to take the rest out with as much stealth as you can.”

“What about the two on our floor?” Jaehwan asks, any humour from before now void from his voice. Hakyeon seems to have gotten through to him.

“They’re split up. One is right outside the main hall, the other is making his way over there now by the right hallway opposite of Hakyeon and Sanghyuk. Someone in the front room should go to take them out.”

There’s a bit of rustling, movement, footsteps, and then Hongbin is grumbling, “He didn’t even bother to ask if we wanted to go.” Wonshik makes a vague noise of agreement. There’s the sound of a yell, cut off by a gunshot, and then more rapid footfalls before another two shots ring out and Jaehwan comes back over the comms to report that the floor is clear of all hostiles.

“Thank you, Jaehwanie,” says Hakyeon, much softer than before. Sanghyuk can’t help but smile as he watches his boyfriend, very briefly caught up in how pretty he looks when he’s stress free, even if only for a moment. But then he’s back into work mode, the lines of his face much heavier, and the youngest takes a moment as well to school himself back into impassivity. “Taekwoon, is there a way around for us to get behind them?”

With his directions in ear, they make their way through the winding corridors of the bank until they reach another staircase, scaling it with light footsteps and slow breath to keep quiet. Hakyeon leads the way after they cut their comms for minimum sound interference, pushing the door open with his firearm pointed out first to check the surroundings. Sanghyuk follows through once he’s given the silent go ahead, a few come hither flicks of Hakyeon’s fingers.

Staying close to the ground, they come up behind the two goons silently and slowly until they’re close enough. Sanghyuk holsters his gun and watches Hakyeon for the silent countdown before he’s grabbing his target from behind, and it only takes a quick, practiced twist of his arms to snap the man’s neck. Both bodies slump to the floor in a heap and Hakyeon steps back from his own mark, dusts himself off, before sharing a little smile with Sanghyuk that makes him roll his eyes.

They make faces at each other childishly for a few extra seconds before Taekwoon comes back on the comms, “What are you two doing? Get to the payload. Jaehwan’s on his way.”

Hakyeon immediately sobers up from his previous spontaneity and playfulness, a confused and disapproving frown turning down the corners of his mouth as he turns to Sanghyuk and mouths, “Jaehwan?”

Their getaway driver comes up through the main stairway just a few moments later, giving Sanghyuk a wink (that definitely does _not_ make him blush) before he turns to Hakyeon, voice hushed, “Police are coming. Some girl had one of those sexual assault apps open on her phone, so when Wonshik confiscated it it activated and they were called in. Taekwoon’s off the cameras at the wheel for now.” There’s an unspoken _we need to wrap this up quickly_.

Hakyeon scowls, rears his head back to the ceiling in frustration for a moment before bringing it back down, smoothing down his sideburns with the outsides of his thumbs before taking a deep breath. “Hyuk, you and Jaehwan concentrate on taking out and distracting hostiles. I’ll make a beeline to set the charge on the vault, and once we’ve collected we’ll take the express route out.”

While Sanghyuk groans at the mention of the _express route_ , Jaehwan practically bounces in place and would be whooping if he could, excitement rolling off him in waves. While he does find it attractive, Sanghyuk also hates this. He hates everything about express routes.

They enter with efficiency, Sanghyuk kicking the door open so Jaehwan can pop through first and roll to cover before he follows suit. They crouch behind a conveniently overturned desk, suddenly so close Sanghyuk thinks he can taste the elder’s breath on his tongue as he grins, gives a little nod, and then they’re breaking out from cover to fire.

It’s all over in a few seconds, with good timing and good aim and maybe a bit of improvisation (namely, a lot of extra flair on Jaehwan’s part), and Sanghyuk’s just dealt a kick into a wounded goon’s side when he reaches for his gun when Hakyeon shouts for them to get down -- he hadn’t even seen the eldest get to the vault amidst everything, but his built in Always-Listen-To-Hakyeon reflexes are faster than his thinking brain and he’s shielding his face within seconds, turned away when the blast fires.

He twists back around to face the vault and there’s a hole where the door used to be, the smoke eventually dissipating to reveal what’s inside: stacks and stacks of unmarked bills, set to be transferred over to some billionaire’s estate the next day but now all theirs for the taking.

The three boys share a look before they’re grinning, hollering, whooping, coming together to brohug and pat each other on the back, and Sanghyuk has just finished giving Hakyeon a celebratory kiss, is halfway through instinctively turning to give Jaehwan one too (?) when Hongbin comes in over the mic, deadpan, annoyance in his voice, “Do your weird foreplay thing later. The cops are downstairs helping the hostages out, Taekwoon will be pulling up after he gets us, right under the nearest window to you guys in... t-minus one-sixty seconds.”

Fuck. The express route. Right. They all tug out sacks and beginning stuffing as much as they can inside, filling their pockets, their pants, money sticking out of everywhere they can fit it before Hongbin is shouting, _now now now_ and they’re racing to get out.

Jaehwan wedges open the large window outside the vault and then he’s gone, jumped out and sticking the landing perfectly, as per usual. Hakyeon does the same, even rolls into it like a character out of a video game, and then the cops are busting through the door into the vault room and Sanghyuk hurries to get the hell out, nearly tripping over himself in the process.

He never quite got the hang of parkour-y things, his limbs too long and still growing for him to be able to perfect the motions it takes to not hurt himself, and he totally wipes out on his landing, limping his way last into the open side of the van where Hakyeon and Wonshik are there with open arms to pull him entirely in and shut the door behind them. At some point Jaehwan had taken the driver’s seat and then they’re gone, police sirens lighting the streets around them red and blue, gunfire peppering the doors around them.

Hongbin opens the roof and he’s chucking C4 out, grenades, proximity bombs, anything and everything that Wonshik hands to him, the skyline ablaze with fire and destruction and all six of them (though Taekwoon perhaps to a lesser degree) laughing and celebrating and riding the high of finishing the job, the feeling that nothing can touch them, that they’re at the top of the world. And really, Sanghyuk thinks to himself, it doesn’t get much better than this.

* * *

Later, when they’ve lost the cops and stashed the money in one of their many hideouts, they’re all thrown across the various couches in the living room of their penthouse and sharing drinks and stories and more laughter. There’s a lull in the conversation, after Wonshik has just drunkenly reiterated for the third time how often one of the feminine hostages had been trying to sneak pictures of Hongbin specifically, when the demolitions expert himself stands, stretches.

“I should get drunky to bed,” he says, gesturing sideways to where Wonshik is pink all across his face, down his neck and into his chest, hanging halfway off the arm of the couch and towards the floor. “Night. Had fun today.”

Despite Wonshik’s quiet protests, the pair leave for their shared room and the rest of the crew choruses their own goodnights. Taekwoon gets up and leaves at some point as well amidst the goodbyes; Sanghyuk doesn’t even see him go, but it’s nothing out of the ordinary.

Which leaves him, Hakyeon beside him, and Jaehwan across from the two of them. He’s never been more aware of his boyfriend’s hand on his thigh, of his crew member’s eyes flickering between the two of them, the little crooked smile the both of them have on.

Sanghyuk realizes that the heist is over, remembers what Hakyeon had said about being able to pursue Jaehwan once work was on pause. His stomach jumps and he sits up a little straighter in his seat, licking his lips where they had dried out and swallowing thickly past the eager lump that’s formed in his throat.

“How’s your ankle, Hyukkie?” Jaehwan says, and it feels like Sanghyuk’s brain short circuits for an extra moment or two. He opens his mouth, closes it, looks down at his foot, then up at Hakyeon, then back over at Jaehwan; he’s momentarily forgotten every bit of language he knows.

“He’ll be fine,” interjects Hakyeon after the pause grows a little too large to be comfortable, ever perceptive, giving Sanghyuk’s thigh a firm squeeze, as if warning him to act normal. “It isn’t like he hasn’t worked through worse injuries, even when we tell him to rest.” He gets a playful, reprimanding look, unable to keep himself from smiling immodestly in response.

“Well, he does take a lot after you,” teases Jaehwan, making Hakyeon mock gasp in offence and Sanghyuk laugh from behind his palm. “No wonder the two of you are so fucking hot together.”

And there it is. The elephant in the room, so to speak. There’s another pregnant silence, though this one is less uncomfortable than simply contemplative.

Sanghyuk’s throat now feels like it’s closed up with how much the lump within it grows -- it’s one thing to notice Jaehwan’s advances on them, another for Hakyeon to admit he’d noticed them too, but an entirely different ballpark for Jaehwan to admit it in words. (Not that Jaehwan had ever made a habit of being subtle, but Sanghyuk had never made any habit of being especially perceptive, either.)

He glances over at Hakyeon, who’s smile hasn’t disappeared more than it’s simply tilted into more of a half smirk, fingertips pressing into the inside of Sanghyuk’s thigh with how he grips it. If he wasn’t already turned on with the combination of leftover heist jitters and Jaehwan calling him hot, he definitely is now.

“Took you pretty long to admit,” says Hakyeon, with the same teasing tone Jaehwan had sported before, a brow raised.

“Well, I know you.” Jaehwan shrugs, the picture perfect example of suave, and Sanghyuk hates that he tries so hard to look cool. He hates even more that it works so well. “If I tried anything when you two first started dating, you’d bite my head off. If I tried anything during pre-planning for a job, you’d really rip me to pieces.”

“He wanted to,” butts in Sanghyuk, before Hakyeon can say anything. The eldest shoots him a Look, face expressing his utter betrayal. “During the heist planning, I mean. He said we had to wait, but he was really tempted.”

Jaehwan grins like a kid opening his gifts on Christmas Day, clearly pleased, leaning forward in his seat to plant his elbow against his knee, rest his chin in his palm. “Really, Hakyeonie? You want me that much? Didn’t know you had the hots so bad for little ol’ me.”

“For the record,” says Hakyeon, loudly, his snooty little know-it-all grin audible in his voice before Sanghyuk even looks at him. “Hyukkie doesn’t even want to have sex with me anymore unless I’m talking to him about you. He doesn’t get even nearly as turned on.” Sanghyuk flushes a dark red and hisses his boyfriend’s name, swatting him on the shoulder and shooting a fleeting, embarrassed look over at Jaehwan.

Their driver just looks even more enthralled though, his lids falling halfway closed, eyes hooded and lips wet from where he draws his tongue over them. “Really?” He says, and Sanghyuk really, really hates how low his voice is, how easily he uses that stupid sugary shit he pulls with his voice when he’s being overly cutesy, and how sexual it is when he doesn’t play it up for laughs. “Do you want to fuck hyung that badly, Sanghyukkie? I’m flattered you two are so interested in me.”

Sanghyuk shifts uncomfortably in his seat, trying to be as subtle as he can in his attempt to rearrange his junk in a way that doesn’t make him as intensely aware of how currently sexually frustrated he is. He fails, both at being sly and at relieving himself in any way. Instead, it just draws the attention of both the others to the problem pressing at the front of his pants, making him flush all the way up to the roots of his hair.

“You really are just a fucking horny teenager, aren’t you,” grumbles Hakyeon good-naturedly, fingers creeping up his boyfriend’s thigh til they rest right at the top, nails catching on the zipper of his fly. Sanghyuk all but whimpers in response, ducking his head as his cheeks burn hot at the shame that comes to being already so weak like this, especially in front of Jaehwan. What will he think?

He barely has time to dwell on how he’s positive Jaehwan will opt out by sheer disappointment in what an oversensitive sort-of virgin he is when suddenly, he’s got a lapful of his crew member and all 180cms of body he has to offer. He very vaguely feels Hakyeon’s hand leave him, but he catches most of his attention on staring up at Jaehwan in both shock and awe and maybe a little bit of fear, nervousness. “Hyung?”

Jaehwan ducks in, his nose brushing against Sanghyuk’s cheek and breath fanning out over his mouth as he speaks; his lashes flirting with his skin as his eyes dip closed, “I know you’ve got this whole virginal innocence thing going on with Hakyeonie so you can feed his dominance ego, but can you put that aside for now?”

Reaching for either of Sanghyuk’s hands with his own, he sets them on his hips at the same time as he leans in and slots his mouth to the youngest’s, artless about his approach, arms then looped over his shoulders. Sanghyuk feels like his brain and heart are both going to jump out of his body any second with how fast both are racing, fingers seizing in the material of Jaehwan’s heist shirt for something to hold onto so he doesn’t go floating away.

He’s? Kissing Jaehwan? Jaehwan is kissing him. They’re kissing? And he can feel Hakyeon’s presence beside them, both by his weight and the dip of the couch and simply the awareness he always has somewhere within him about where Hakyeon is at all times. He doesn’t even know where to start with trying to piece together the situation to make any rational sense in his head, entirely blanking out on what to do or where to do it or why he should even be doing anything.

“Don’t think so much,” murmurs Jaehwan, drawing back from an unresponsive Sanghyuk just to tug at his lip with his teeth, pull at it playfully. Sanghyuk positively shortcircuits. “Manhandle me a little. Let loose.”

So he does, the best he knows how, hands skimming up Jaehwan’s sides til they get beneath his shirt to rest on the warmth of his sides, his skin. He marvels just a second at how soft it is -- wonders when Jaehwan has time to be moisturizing? But then Jaehwan’s sucking at his lip, and that line of thinking goes flying out the window.

He closes his eyes and sweeps his tongue along the seam of Jaehwan’s lips -- god, they’re even softer than his skin, and tasting vaguely of Coca Cola lip balm, how cute -- until they part. He takes his time licking his way into Jaehwan’s mouth, wanting to thoroughly explore kissing him now in case he doesn’t get the chance to again, traces the line of his teeth and the roof of his mouth and eventually, lazily, tangling their tongues together.

He isn’t sure how long they make out for, his hands wandering and eventually settling into a firm grip on the elder’s thighs (just the way he likes when Hakyeon does the same to him) and the sounds of their breaths filling the air, the slick sounds of their mouths moving together echoing in the otherwise quiet room. It’s… hot. He’s hot underneath the collar of his shirt.

At some point he remembers Hakyeon is still sitting there beside them, presumably watching, and pulls back. There’s a string of spit connecting their mouths still, and he really, truly hates that he finds it unbelievably, just… hot? Everything about Jaehwan is unbearably hot, from the little breaths he takes, to how cherry red and wet his lips are even before he licks them, as if chasing a last taste of Sanghyuk’s own mouth, to the way his gaze, weighed down with what Sanghyuk is pretty sure is arousal, drags from himself over to Hakyeon beside them.

He looks over as well and swallows, the sound of it echoing in his own head. Hakyeon’s eyes are dark, mouth parted just slightly, and Sanghyuk has been with him long enough to know just how much he _wants_. It’s a gaze he knows all too well, but this time he’s not on the receiving end of it -- and finds that he doesn’t actually mind that much.

Jaehwan doesn’t seem to mind either, if the hurry with which he climbs from Sanghyuk to Hakyeon is any sign. He doesn’t even bother saying anything before they’re kissing, Jaehwan sifting his fingers into the eldest’s hair to tip his head up to him as they meet each other, open-mouthed, maybe a little clumsy.

Sanghyuk is helpless to do anything but watch and want. It takes all his willpower not to press the heel of his palm against the front of his pants, eyes glued to where their bodies press together, Jaehwan arching prettily against Hakyeon when the elder’s hands slip up his spine and pull him closer.

Jaehwan’s eyes open and he smirks upon seeing the way Sanghyuk is staring at them unabashedly -- he quickly snaps his mouth shut from where it had been hanging open, flustered. Jaehwan lets out the most sinful noise Sanghyuk thinks he’s ever heard before he’s pressing in even further, opening his posture and their kiss just enough to where it’s messy enough for Sanghyuk to be able to see _everything_.

It both feels like time has slowed down and sped up at the same time, because Sanghyuk feels like he’s absorbing every detail in slow motion and committing it to memory forever, but when the two break apart, he swears it hasn’t been nearly as long as he’d have liked it to be. Judging by the dazed, hungry look on Hakyeon’s face, he’s thinking something along the same lines.

“So,” says Jaehwan, tousled and rustled in all the right places, voice a little breathy and lips curling into a mischievous grin, “my bedroom or yours?”

* * *

“Ready, Jaehwanie?” Hakyeon gives said man’s ass a slap from where it’s presented in front of him, sending him jerking forward a little with a whine which sounds itself entirely around Sanghyuk’s cock. The youngest shoots Hakyeon a scandalized, desperate look, brow furrowed in the middle where he’s probably trying not to cream himself right then and there. Ah, youth.

“ _Hyung_ ”, whines Sanghyuk, eyes flickering from his boyfriend down to where Jaehwan has his mouth quite full -- no doubt looking as sinfully good as is humanly possible. Hakyeon half wishes they could trade places, just so he could see how pretty Jaehwan’s lips would look stretched out around him, instead, but-- there are more important matters at hand.

Namely, the way Jaehwan inches his ass back, impatient, making these soft muffled, needy sounds as his hole -- slick, stretched out after minutes of teasing him loose -- opens and closes around nothing. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what he’s asking for, and Hakyeon isn’t about to deny him something he wants so desperately.

Taking the base of his own dick in hand, he lines up and presses in in one thrust forward, sending Jaehwan shunting forward on his knees and elbows just slightly before he’s steadied by both Sanghyuk and Hakyeon. He moans, the sound open and loud; he’s dropped Sanghyuk’s cock from his lips, gasping for either air or simply to be dramatic. (Hakyeon expects it’s the latter, and isn’t particularly impressed nor more aroused by it -- but Sanghyuk is eating it up like candy, so he doesn’t say anything. Besides, it’s cute.)

“We had a deal, hyung,” says Sanghyuk, and Hakyeon is loathe to admit that the dominance that seeps into his voice is really, really getting to him. “Hakyeon hyung won’t do anything til you’re a good boy and help me out, and you don’t get anything til we’re both done.” There’s this brief, little secret smile that crosses Sanghyuk’s face in a moment, one that probably stems by some silly glare Jaehwan shoots up at him, but it’s gone in a moment once Jaehwan lifts his head properly in favour of sighing instead, soft, shuddery, and taking Sanghyuk back between his lips.

Hakyeon takes that as his sign to go, rearing back to where his head is ready to pop past Jaehwan’s rim before rocking forward, picking up a rhythm that Sanghyuk catches onto quickly. His hand falls beneath Jaehwan’s chin to keep him in place as he’s jostled between the two of them.

If anyone had told him months ago that he and Sanghyuk would have Jaehwan spitroasted between the two of them on a Tuesday night post-heist, he would have laughed, but at this exact moment in the present he doesn’t ever want to be doing anything else. He fucks Jaehwan in long, smooth movements, enough to move him and enough to have him pressing back for more but not quite too much so that he can’t focus attention on Sanghyuk as well.

And he seems to really focus well, because it only takes some few minutes before Sanghyuk gets that hitch in his breath, that tensing in his body that comes right before he reaches his peak. Hakyeon slows in anticipation of it, and Jaehwan must be able to feel the way that the youngest’s thighs quake beneath where he has them in his hands, because he surges forward and Sanghyuk lets out a gasp, hunching forward briefly before he’s releasing into Jaehwan’s mouth with a moan, voice low and raspy.

It takes a moment or two as he rocks through with the crest of his orgasm before he’s drawing off, and it’s then that Hakyeon takes his turn. He reaches beneath Jaehwan’s body and hooks a hand round his torso to pull him back so they’re pressed together, bare back to bare chest, and uses the newfound angle to thrust up into Jaehwan, into a spot within him that makes him writhe, beg for more with a cracked, broken, thickened voice, throat audibly protesting from where it’s been abused.

Sanghyuk gets the hint pretty quickly, and they’re soon trapping Jaehwan between their bodies again, the youngest’s hands tracing the dips and curves of his crew member’s body as his boyfriend fucks up into it, finding a new cadence to their movement as a trio. Their mouths meet over Jaehwan’s shoulder in a sloppy kiss, sullied by the sounds Hakyeon himself can’t help but let out every so often, by the way his breath comes heaving out of him in quick bursts.

He’s burning, all over, the pit of his stomach curled tightly and ready to unwind at any moment despite his best efforts, the little pleas that drip from Jaehwan’s mouth and the way his hole hopelessly flutters around Hakyeon’s cock both not helping him be able to show off his stamina. He breaks from the kiss he shares with Sanghyuk to sink his teeth into Jaehwan’s shoulder, probably (hopefully?) leaving a mark behind as he steels through and gives a few last cants upwards, bouncing Jaehwan in his lap until he’s spilling into the condom with a shudder, a groan, riding the feeling out until it’s over.

Jaehwan still whines, though, little nothings and strings of noises that don’t amount to much more but one big, desperate, “ _Please._ ”

Sanghyuk doesn’t waste time in reaching down to unfasten the cock ring Jaehwan had put on himself earlier and it takes two or three pumps for his whole frame to jerk upwards, walls pulsing round Hakyeon’s soft cock as he comes hard, over the youngest’s hand and his own stomach, shaking with the force of it and panting all the way through and after.

He continues to quiver just lightly afterwards, especially after Hakyeon pulls out of him and ties off the condom to toss away, but both of them come around him and lay him down, warm him up, tangle the three of them up in a nest of limbs that somehow doesn’t end up being as uncomfortable as it should, especially with a bed the size of the one they’re in.

“We should do this again some time,” croaks Jaehwan after a few minutes, after they’ve all relaxed and are basking in post-coitus glow, after he’s recovered. Hakyeon can hear the grin in his voice and when he lifts his head to see, the expression is aimed at the ceiling. “I need to wash up, though. Yuck. Maybe next time one of you can take one for the team and swallow for me, too.”

There’s something about his phrasing -- not about his cum, which he continues to spout on about while he gets up, rubbing at the small of his back and denying Sanghyuk’s offer to join him, but instead about what he first said -- and about the way he’s so hasty to get away from the cuddle pile, that rubs Hakyeon just a little bit the wrong way. He’s too blissed out to say anything for now, though, remaining silent as Jaehwan gives a little salute before ducking out of the room.

The sound of the shower turning on makes it through the walls and into their room and Sanghyuk turns to look at Hakyeon, expression entirely open and elated and 110% _Can you really believe that finally happened?_ Hakyeon smiles back, equally excited as he is nervous, because while he may be more experienced than his boyfriend at sex and at relationships in general, he’s not exactly an expert at how to go about a situation like this; one where he’s just had sex with his lover and someone else they want to potentially bring into their relationship. They wait together for Jaehwan to return, discussing in hushed tones about how exactly to introduce the topic of trying something else, something more.

The shower shuts off. Sanghyuk holds his breath in anticipation, and Hakyeon squeezes where their hands link together. This is it.

There’s the sound of footsteps, of light singing, and then of nothing. Hands wound tight together, they wait.

They wait some more.

Jaehwan doesn’t come back.


	3. interrogation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alternate title: the gang is very concerned

It isn’t even like he’s avoiding them, Sanghyuk thinks, dejected. He’s acting the exact same as he was before -- joking around with them, talking enough for two people and overall just being a brat whenever the opportunity arises. He hasn't changed in even the slightest towards them.

He doesn’t even bother to pretend like nothing’s happened either -- sometimes he’ll mimic begging for Hakyeon’s cock during a disagreement just to make the eldest blush and clam up, will slap Sanghyuk’s ass and give him a wink and a verbal suggestion for the next time they fuck. It’s almost like they’re dating, except Sanghyuk quickly discovers that it doesn’t go both ways.

He tries to kiss Jaehwan, once, when no one else is around, when he looks so pretty in the early morning that he can’t help it. Jaehwan is nursing a cup of coffee, leant back against the counter of the kitchen and looking out the window to the buildings below them with the rising sun casting shadows over his profile, and he just can’t stop himself. He brackets Jaehwan between either of his arms, hands on the counter, and leans in to press their mouths together.

“Woah,” says Jaehwan, laughing softly and keeping Sanghyuk at bay with a hand pressed to his chest. There’s this knowing smile on his face, amused yet pitiful at Sanghyuk’s expense. “Not outside the bedroom, hotshot.”

It makes a pit sink into the bottom of his stomach and he swallows thickly, nodding, stepping away and trying not to appear as stupid as he feels. He’s embarrassed to find that the backs of his eyes burn with hot tears, but Jaehwan’s left too quickly to even have noticed them.

“It’s not like he ever said anything about a relationship,” says Hakyeon, later on, when he brings The Jaehwan Situation up. His voice feigns indifference but Sanghyuk can tell by the little crease between his brows that he’s upset as well. “Maybe it was unfair of us to expect anything from him-- I mean.”

Hakyeon huffs and flops back onto their bed, arms eaglespread and lips twisted. “I’ve known him an awful long time, Sanghyukkie. He’s not exactly… the type of person who likes having ties to anything.”

“But he’s here,” points out Sanghyuk, from where he sits at the foot of the mattress, legs folded together and hands braced against the meat of his boyfriend’s thigh. “He’s part of a crew. Doesn’t that count as being tied to something?”

“He rejected my offer, at first. I called him to tag along with the two of us before I even met Taekwoonie.” Sanghyuk falls silent -- he’d never known that. “He told me there was no point in getting attached to a bunch of kids I picked up off the street when they’d probably die in the same fire that I would.” Hakyeon snorts, rolls his eyes, and reaches up to run a hand through his hair. “Fucking asshole. I still don’t really know why he decided to join us in the end anyways -- he must have his reasons, though. He always has everything so well reasoned out.”

Jaehwan… reasoning things out….. it sounds fake, to Sanghyuk, and he snorts a laugh. Hakyeon shoots him an unimpressed look and he shrugs, grimacing, “Sorry, but-- Jaehwan? Planning things out? Having a reason for what he does? Are we talking about the same idiot who was asking hostages if they liked his sweet dougieing skills?”

“Shut up, Hyukkie.” He receives a swat from his boyfriend, the pout he puts on as he rubs at the wound afterwards largely ignored. “He always has a reason for everything he does. Even if it might not make sense to anyone else, it does to him.”

Sanghyuk hums in response, closes his eyes, and tries his best not to think about how badly he wants Hakyeon and himself to be a good enough reason for Jaehwan.

* * *

It isn’t long before he comes back to them, which Hakyeon can’t decide whether or not he likes.

Sanghyuk is very clearly affected by everything -- not that Hakyeon himself isn’t, but he sees it in the way the youngest’s expression is always a little extra tense around the edges, even when he’s goofing off with Jaehwan. _Especially_ when Jaehwan approaches them late at night, after he’s come back from working on his cars, kind of sweaty, hair slicked back purposefully and biceps on deliberate, full display with the muscle shirt he has on, asking them to join him for a shower.

“Uh.” Sanghyuk says beside him on the couch, intelligently. Hakyeon thinks if he were to pry open his mouth, he would find him salivating.

“C’mon, Sanghyukkie,” says Jaehwan, after a few seconds of tense silence, a brow quirked. “Show-er. You know, to get clean?”

“I know what a shower is, hyung.”

“Good!” Jaehwan brightens, smile crooked and head tipping to the side, showing off the long line of his neck. “Then you and Hakyeonie can join me, right?”

“Do you really think three people can fit in our shower?” Hakyeon tacks on, after he’s regained enough mental capacity to pry his eyes away from how fucking _good_ Jaehwan looks. This is unfair. “Also, who are you calling Hakyeonie?”

“You’re right.” Jaehwan puts on a pout, smile fading away and brows pulling together in the middle. “Your ego is too big for even one of us to fit in there with you, _hyung_.”

It’s a jab so absurdly out of the blue that it takes a second for the two of them to register it, and when he does, Sanghyuk bursts into laughter and bends over til his face is between his knees with how hard he shakes. Hakyeon’s jaw drops, simultaneously offended and still absurdly attracted to the stupid grin Jaehwan sports.

It feels a little more normal, this banter between them. It’s nice. That doesn’t mean Hakyeon is going to let it slide.

He gets up and stalks towards Jaehwan, who stands his ground with that same smug smirk from before, Sanghyuk still snickering between breaths behind him. His fingers slide around Jaehwan’s tiny waist and dig in, enough to be just on the edge of too much, and the laughter dies out into a tactile silence.

“I’ll show you just how big my ego is, Jaehwanie.” Hakyeon says, leaning in close, face set in a way he knows is intimidating.

It’s quiet for a few tense moments before Sanghyuk starts to giggle again, the sound stifled from where he’s surely trying to keep it all in, and Jaehwan’s biting his lip in a clear effort to try not to laugh as well. And then he snorts into laughter and Sanghyuk starts to howl, and Hakyeon steps back and folds his arms over his chest, doing his best to pretend like he’s angry even though he’s trying just as hard not to smile with the two of them.

“Well, Hakyeon,” eventually, the laughter fizzles out and Jaehwan is sighing, reaching up to wipe under his eyes with all the dramatic flair of a theatre actor. “I appreciate your effort there, but I think the mood is gone.” He reaches up, pats either of Hakyeon’s cheeks, and before the eldest can really react, he’s receiving a little, chaste kiss square on the mouth that renders him entirely still, maybe a little speechless.

Jaehwan uses his shock to wiggle loose from the hold around his waist and Hakyeon turns just in time to see that Sanghyuk is receiving the exact same kiss-treatment he just had, before their third is throwing the oil-tattered towel over his shoulder and leaving the room, presumably to wash up on his own.

“What…” Hakyeon starts hesitantly, a hand coming up to reach for his lips, just at the same time that Sanghyuk bursts into a whine, “ _Hyung!_ ”

They can hear Jaehwan’s amused laughter from down the hall before the bathroom door shuts and audibly locks, and something rooted deep in Hakyeon’s chest gives a little twist at the sound of it.

“C’mon, babe, let’s get to bed,” says Sanghyuk after they spend a few moments (minutes? hours?) staring after where Jaehwan had left, voice gruff and maybe a little annoyed. Hakyeon doesn’t argue and follows his boyfriend into their room, where they decide to split off and shower separately. (Really, at any other time they probably would have done it together -- but Hakyeon figures that Jaehwan’s offer still lingers on the edges of both their minds, and it might not be the best idea.)

But really, what does he expect? He showers first and comes back not ten minutes later into their room, hair still damp, and Jaehwan is just… there. Perched in Sanghyuk’s lap, where the youngest sits against their headboard, the two of them connected both at the mouth and their hips, where they grind against each other through their sleep shorts like teenagers.

“Really.” It’s not even a question, his tone dry. Jaehwan doesn’t even have the audacity to look ashamed as he twists away from Sanghyuk’s guilty expression to look at Hakyeon, only grinning and waving a hand over.

“Come here, hyung,” he says, eyes twinkling with mischief. “I was just showing Hyukkie what my new toothpaste tastes like.”

“It’s mint,” says Sanghyuk, sounding a little dazed. Jaehwan gives him a _look_ , hissing something about ruining surprises, and---

“You want to get laid that bad, huh?” Hakyeon’s voice drops just a little, just Enough, as he moves over to the bed, crawling onto it til he’s able to sit on his side beside the two of them, propped up on one hand as the other slips to the bare skin of Jaehwan’s thigh, creeping up just underneath the hem of his shorts.

“Well,” hedges Jaehwan, sucking his lip into his mouth almost contemplatively, white teeth just barely visible where they sink down into it. Hakyeon doesn’t miss the way Sanghyuk’s eyes are glued to the movement. “I got my hopes up and everything, you know. I don’t particularly like being kept waiting.”

Hakyeon, despite himself, can’t help but roll his eyes at that one. “No? Not like you’ve kept us waiting for the past week, hm?”

Jaehwan doesn’t even have the audacity to pretend like he’s ashamed, simply shrugging and averting his eyes to the sheets, lips jutting out in a little pout as he toys with the hem of his boxers, the perfect picture of demurity. “But, _Hakyeonie_...”

Sanghyuk makes this little wounded sound, clearly having fallen for all of Jaehwan’s wheedling and charm and probably, almost certainly led in his decision by the tent in his own underwear. Hakyeon’s too weak to the both of them to pretend to be mad any longer than he already has.

“Hakyeonie hyung,” he corrects with a drawn out sigh, and then leans in to kiss the fake-sad expression off Jaehwan’s mouth, feeling it soon curl up into a satisfied smile beneath his own lips until the kiss devolves into something a little less close-lipped.

* * *

So, they fall into bed together a second time. And then a third, and a fourth, and a fifth, and at some point Sanghyuk begins to lose track. He’s not quite able to pick apart every encounter they’ve had -- he knows there’s a few Hakyeon has been absent for, as well as few he hasn’t been there for.

It gets to the point where the rest of the crew starts to notice, which wouldn’t be a bad thing, except for the fact that they can also tell something’s off. Hongbin approaches Sanghyuk about it, looking like he would rather be doing anything but, almost definitely coerced by Wonshik.

“So,” he starts off, ever blunt, squinting at the floor as if it’ll swallow him up and save him from the situation. “You and Jaehwan and Hakyeon, huh.”

Sanghyuk snorts, unable to help it, and then covers his mouth after assessing the severity of the glare he receives in return. Schooling his face into something more acceptable, he nods, “Yeah, um. We’re… yeah. Yup.”

“Fucking,” supplies Hongbin.

“Yes, right. That.” Sanghyuk nods in agreement, and suddenly identifies with the need to Not Be Having This Conversation.

“But not dating.” The younger winces, the words pricking at his chest maybe just a little, which apparently prompts Hongbin to keep talking. “I mean, we all saw the way Hakyeon hung off you when you started dating. Not that he still doesn’t do it, but-- I mean. The point is that he’s not doing it with Jaehwan. Neither are you. So you’re not dating, or you guys just have some weird exclusionary thing with him, or he just doesn’t like you guys touching him? Which to be honest, I don’t believe at all, but Taekwoon made me promise I’d suggest it.”

“We aren’t dating,” clarifies Sanghyuk, pausing for a second to ponder the thought that the other three crew members were actively discussing his love life. He wonders if the reason Hongbin is here is because he pulled the short stick. It’s very likely.

“Why not?” Hongbin presses further, lifting his head and folding his arms loosely over his chest. “Not to be mean, but neither you or Hakyeon are very good at hiding what you feel. You wear your fucking hearts on your sleeves. It’s almost worse than Wonshik.”

To that, Sanghyuk makes a face again. Him? With the same gooey, sappy, gross look on display on his face that Wonshik has when he looks at Hongbin? He can see it on Hakyeon, maybe, but…

He’s getting distracted. “We aren’t dating,” he repeats again, licking his lips and glancing just briefly round the living room, as if to check that Jaehwan isn’t lurking around the corner. “Not that Hakyeon hyung and I don’t _want_ to, but--”

“Ha! I knew it!” Hongbin crows loudly, before quieting down at the hit he receives to the shoulder, though the shit-eating grin he’s got on doesn’t fade a bit. “Heh. Wonshik owes me.”

“You bet on us,” says Sanghyuk, tone dry, unimpressed, less a question than a statement.

“Listen, Sanghyuk. Sometimes a man sees an opportunity to make some money? He has to take it, even if it’s a little bit of a shitty thing to do to his friends.” Hongbin claps a hand against the younger’s shoulder for a moment before it’s shrugged off, “You’ll understand when you’re older.”

“Shut the fuck up,” says Sanghyuk, pushing Hongbin away by the chest, though he can’t help but laugh just a little.

“Really, though.” Hongbin looks serious again. A bit constipated, too, but it’s probably his aversion to actually being heartfelt. Emotional constipation, if you will. “Why don’t you two just… I don’t fucking know, just go for it?”

“It doesn’t work like that.” Sanghyuk disagrees and goes to continue, but he’s cut off before he can even start.

“It does, though,” says Hongbin. “It’s not like I’m the most sentiment-oriented person, or anything, but. Things got infinitely better between Wonshik and I after we, like, communicated and shit and figured out what the two of us were thinking. It’s not like it was easy, but. It definitely made things a lot clearer, that’s all I’m saying.”

“We aren’t you and Wonshik, hyung,” says Sanghyuk, and there must be enough finality and dismissal in his tone for Hongbin to give up, because he seems to fold in on the resolve he’d had to solve the situation.

“Whatever you say, Hyukkie,” he says, and then bumps shoulders with him. “Wanna play some 3v3 Overwatch?”

And that’s that.

* * *

Or... so Sanghyuk had thought, because it’s only a few days later that Wonshik manages to corner him, and he doesn’t even have to say a word before his intentions are clear, the little concerned furrow of his brow enough to give him away.

“I’m not talking about this with you,” he says, but Wonshik is too quick and steps in front of his bedroom door to block him from escaping inside. He tries to turn and bolt for the bathroom to lock himself in there, but he’s blocked by a firm hand round his wrist. “Hyung!”

“Sanghyuk, seriously, just a few minutes,” says Wonshik, and he sounds just earnest enough that Sanghyuk groans and relents, though he makes the biggest deal possible about doing it, stomping his feet and making a face and everything. (Absently, he recognizes that his techniques are very Jaehwan-esque. He hopes Wonshik doesn’t notice, but judging by the way the crease in his forehead only deepens, he definitely has.)

“What.”

“Can we sit down?”

“No.”

“Fine,” grumbles Wonshik, though he does release Sanghyuk’s wrist. “I just wanted to ask if you’re alright. You and Hakyeon, I mean.”

“Why don’t you ask Hakyeon?” Sanghyuk retorts, crossing his arms over his chest childishly. He’s very aware of how immature he sounds, but he’s already had this conversation with Hongbin, who hadn’t been nearly as emotionally involved as he already knows Wonshik is going to be.

“Because I’m asking you,” returns Wonshik, taking a step nearer as if to intimidate Sanghyuk into talking. He seems to rethink it a moment after, realizing that he has to look up to stand so close, and returns to his previous spot.

“We’re fine, Wonshik,” he replies some silent moments later, when it’s clear the older isn’t going to leave without an answer. When Wonshik’s expression doesn’t change in the slightest, he tacks on, “Really.”

“I know what it’s like to pine, Sanghyuk,” he says, and he’s got this dumb, wide-eyed expression on, as if everything he spews is an Ultimate Wisdom. “It would really feel better to talk about it. If not with him than with me or Hongbinie. Or Taekwoon hyung too, I guess.”

“I talk with Hakyeon,” says Sanghyuk. Wonshik looks like he hadn’t even thought of that possibility. “I’m fine. It’s not that big of a deal.”

He tries to step around and get into him and Hakyeon’s bedroom now, but he’s still stopped by a hand against his chest, letting out a loud, disgruntled huff. The other still looks entirely unconvinced, unease written all over his posture and face.

“We’re worried about the crew dynamic,” says Wonshik, and swallows. He glances around a moment, before meeting Sanghyuk’s eyes again. “It’s changing. We’re worried about you two, too. You’re changing as well.”

“Your worry is misplaced,” says Sanghyuk, impressed with his own choice of words but much too hotheaded in the moment to feel anything but annoyance with the situation. He uses his height and mass to shoulder Wonshik aside, maybe a little rough, opening his door and turning before he closes it with a tight lipped smile. “We’re going to be fine, alright? This isn’t going to mess up the team, or anything. We’re just fooling around. If he wants it to be no strings attached, that’s what it is. It’s okay.”

He only closes the door when he sees a little bit of the tension in Wonshik’s shoulders dissipates, though the heavy feeling in his chest doesn’t go away even when Hakyeon enters the room later and curls up against him. He still feels cold down to the tips of his fingers and his toes, and prays that everything he’d told Wonshik is true.

* * *

Sanghyuk had told him about both Wonshik and Hongbin approaching him -- Hakyeon was fully aware and expecting that the two of them would eventually come to him, as well. It was easy to play the crew leader card on them, assure them that he knew what he was doing and in turn, so did Sanghyuk. He can tell they still aren’t entirely convinced, but it’s enough to keep them at bay.

What he wasn’t expecting, however, was for Taekwoon to try his luck.

“Hakyeon,” he says, in that small voice of his, approaching Hakyeon at his most vulnerable: tired, facade worn down, after a stressful and tense meeting with another crew. Of course Taekwoon would wait until the other two had failed, would come to Hakyeon instead of Sanghyuk; he knows how easy it is for him to pluck at Hakyeon’s heartstrings, with how much Hakyeon cares for him. He momentarily panics -- there’s no one around, nothing to divert onto. There’s no way he can pull anything over the other’s eyes.

“Taekwoon,” he replies, tone a little pleading, just as quiet. He’s not even out of his suit yet, tie just having loosened. Everyone else is either asleep or out and he’s in the living room on the couch, Taekwoon blocking the hallway to the bedrooms from where he leans against its wall and stares Hakyeon down.

“Don’t tell me you’re okay,” says Taekwoon. He looks as if he’s struggling to speak, to find the words to convey what he wants to say. “You-- you helped me, when I was low. I always promised myself that I’d help you if you ever got to a place like that, too. I’m… you…”

“I’m really okay, Taekwoonie--” Hakyeon starts, voice sugary soft in the way he knows can almost always cajole the other into letting him get what he wants, but Taekwoon’s having none of it.

“You might be now, Hakyeon, but we’re all scared of what the fallout is going to be if this all doesn’t turn out the way you want it to.” Taekwoon finally speaks, all in one burst, his shoulders bunched in a way that reminds Hakyeon loosely of a frightened pup, hackles raised. “I’m afraid, for you. You two, you’re both-- you’re so invested. The longer this goes on, the more you seem to be getting in deeper with him.” He licks his lips here, glances furtively away, and lets out a slow breath. “It’s hard to tell, what he thinks. It’s not-- we all love Jaehwan, you know, it’s isn’t like we don’t. But it’s not like he’s the most predictable person, Hakyeon.”

“I know,” replies Hakyeon softly when there’s a moment to speak, brow pinched. His stomach turns, throat drying up.

“If he doesn’t… if he doesn’t know how you two are feeling, and he doesn’t find out until later and you keep doing this, who knows how he’ll react? If he’ll feel betrayed? If he’ll lash out?” Taekwoon says, and it’s almost as if he’s pleading. “None of us want any of you to get hurt. We’re scared not only about what this is going to do to the crew but what it’ll do to the three of you. You might pretend like you’re okay with it all but we can tell you’re not. Give us more credit in knowing you than that.”

“I’m sorry,” says Hakyeon, and silently curses himself when his voice cracks. His eyes burn with unshed tears, which he hastily wipes away, feeling stupid. He personally knows he might not be a hundred percent alright with the situation, but having Taekwoon throw it back in his face so blatantly still hurts.

“Hakyeon,” whispers Taekwoon, again, coming around to the couch to sit with the elder. He hesitates, fingers twitching, before he takes the elder’s hand in his own. The movement is clumsy, unpracticed, but Hakyeon finds more comfort in it coming from Taekwoon than he thinks he would have from anyone else.

“I know we need to say something,” he mumbles, head bent down towards his lap. He reaches up with his free hand to loosen his tie gracelessly, feeling as if the tight collar was cutting off his throat; except even after, he finds it’s still clogged with the quiet crying he does his best to subdue. “That doesn’t make it any easier to do. You-- I’ve known him for a really long time, Taekwoonie.”

Taekwoon nods, _I know_. “He’s known you a long time, too.”

“That’s the point,” says Hakyeon, and he almost spits it, nostrils flaring and breath coming out short, face twisted shut. “He knows me, and I know him, and I know that he isn’t-- if he wanted us in the way that we want him, he would have acted on it already. I can’t understand why he wouldn’t have already.

“When he wants to do something, he does it. He’s not impulsive. I thought--” He pauses here, sniffles, taking the tissue Taekwoon hands him and wiping beneath his nose. “I thought the whole lead-up to the first time we slept together was his plan, or something. He’s always got a plan and a reason for doing what he does. But it’s gone nowhere, and I’m afraid that this is all he wants but I can’t bring myself to stop, either.”

“Have you told Sanghyuk?” Taekwoon asks, giving Hakyeon’s hand a squeeze even as he shakes his head. “Why not?”

“He’s young.” Hakyeon offers, continuing when Taekwoon looks unimpressed with his answer. “He’s still hoping that things are going to turn out okay, and I’m scared it’s going to break him, too. You should have seen how excited he was, the first time. He still gets excited, every time.” Even the thought makes Hakyeon smile, albeit faintly.

“I think you two should tell him,” says Taekwoon, barreling through what he wants to say even when Hakyeon shoots him a fearful, disagreeing look. “We all do. It’s better to get it over with now than let it hurt the three of you in the long run. There’s still a chance that he’s just… I don’t know.”

“That he’s what?” Hakyeon presses.

“That maybe he does have feelings for the two of you, but he just doesn’t want to piece through them yet. Maybe he needs a push to realize it, or deal with it. I don’t know.” Taekwoon huffs, shakes his head until his bangs fall near his eyes. “It’s not like I’ve ever been in love, Hakyeon. I don’t know what that’s like. But he does look at you two a lot differently than the rest of us. I do know that.”

Dabbing beneath his eyes with the clean edges of the tissue, Hakyeon ponders the idea. It’s not entirely off base -- he’s never known Jaehwan to be open with any of his intimate feelings, anyways. He’s never known much about him besides what he’d wanted everyone around him to know.

“Maybe,” he says, softly, crying quelled and a headache left in its wake as he slowly gets up to stand. “I’m really tired, Taekwoonie, and Sanghyuk is waiting for me. I’m going to go to bed, okay?”

“Okay,” says Taekwoon, standing up with Hakyeon and releasing his hand. He steps forward, falters a second, before enveloping the smaller in a hug. It brings tears to Hakyeon’s eyes yet again, the significance of the action coming from Taekwoon, and he hides them in the shoulder of the taller's shirt. “You’ll figure something out, okay? You always do.”

Hakyeon draws away after a moment with a small smile and a nod, murmuring a quiet goodnight before retreating to his and Sanghyuk’s room. His boyfriend is asleep on the bed, clothes still on, and as Hakyeon undresses himself he takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and wills himself to come up with the right words to say.

After a few moments he sits at the edge of the bed and reaches over to gently shake Sanghyuk awake by the shoulder. He’s sure his face is blotchy, eyes swollen and red from crying, and he knows that his boyfriend notices by how he immediately tries to remedy the situation and ask why, but Hakyeon quickly deflects by first getting Sanghyuk out of his day clothes and into his night ones first.

Minutes later, as they lay nose to nose in the dark, the room lit only by the nightlight Sanghyuk insists they have in the corner, Hakyeon whispers, hesitant, hand wound tight round the other’s, “We need to confess.”

Sanghyuk nods, lifts Hakyeon’s hand, and kisses each of his knuckles. “We can. Are you sure you’re ready?”

“Yes.”

“Then we’ll do it,” he says, and he’s smiling in that soft, crooked way Hakyeon loves so dearly, and it sounds so easy he could cry all over again. “Together.”


	4. splinter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorter than the rest of the chapters, but this is where shit starts 2 go Down.
> 
> again, there's some violence and guns in this. it's a little harder to skip, but it isn't described in extreme detail

They plan to confess when Jaehwan approaches them next, after much deliberation and debate. Sanghyuk had wanted to just walk up and do it right away; Hakyeon hadn’t quite been so sure that being cornered was something that Jaehwan would take well to.

“If he comes to us, then it’s his decision to leave again,” he explains (very unfairly), using his Leader Voice. “Simple as that. If we go to him, he might run away before we even get the chance to get what we want out. It also… I don’t know, it’s hard to find him alone, and I don’t want to do it in front of anyone else. The only time he’s alone with the both of us is when he wants to be.”

Sanghyuk, despite all his arguing and attempts at persuading Hakyeon to jump the gun, eventually and reluctantly agrees to wait. He’s anxious and doesn’t want to wait any longer than they have to, especially considering the worries that Hakyeon had told him Taekwoon had had about Jaehwan’s reaction after an extended period of time, but he also trusts his boyfriend and his judgement, so he’s willing to relent for now.

What neither of them had anticipated happening, though, was the opportunity being snatched from them before they could even try.

* * *

It’s during a routine, easy job -- the five of them, minus Taekwoon, are to visit a rival crew’s base to try and negotiate a weapons deal. Hakyeon and Jaehwan are there to do the talking, Wonshik and Sanghyuk their armed entourage, and Hongbin outside waiting in the van for when they finished.

Taekwoon is still on the comms from back at the base, just in case. He has no eyes, as Hakyeon had told him hacking into the security system of the people they were trying to make a deal with was definitely _not_ a good idea, no matter how undetectable he thought he could be, so he sits blind and just listens.

Everything seems to be going well. Jaehwan’s managed to almost entirely woo over the gang just by smiling, and Hakyeon’s famous smooth talking comes into play beautifully in considerably changing the crew leader’s opinion of their near-monopoly over the city, working towards a partnership in sharing some territory together.

In an instant, a rash move from a rogue crew member who’s been twitchy all night leaves both Hakyeon and Wonshik on the ground. Womshik’s bleeding from his shoulder and Hakyeon from his leg, which has crumpled entirely from beneath his weight.

The crew itself quickly takes down their member and disarms him, holds him back, the leader himself standing to put a bullet between his eyes, but none of their clear disagreement with his actions seems to matter. It’s as if Sanghyuk is watching in slow motion as Jaehwan, previously frozen staring at Hakyeon and his injury, spins around with the gun in his waistband pulled, and opens fire in a rage unlike one Sanghyuk’s ever seen him in.

The scene quickly devolves. Sanghyuk doesn’t even have time to find cover before half their crew is down at the hands of Jaehwan, and the other half is firing back at the lot of them. He feels his calf get nicked by a bullet that grazes by, and it hurts, but he’s rushing over to Hakyeon to make sure he’s alright, hollering into the comms for Hongbin to get inside, _now_.

Jaehwan is still fighting, not even bothering to try and hide from the ammunition coming both his way and towards the rest of them. He’s abandoned his pistol to pick up a semi-auto off a body he was near, and that’s all it takes for the rest of the gang to go down. It’s almost like he’s in a frenzy, the way he spins around to check their surroundings.

Ignoring Wonshik entirely, Jaehwan drops the gun and steps over his injured body to reach Hakyeon and Sanghyuk. “Is he okay?” He asks, and his eyes are almost shaking -- belatedly, Sanghyuk realizes that his hands _are_ trembling, intensely so, the tremors not quieting even as he lays his fingers gently on Hakyeon.

“I’m fine,” grits out Hakyeon, though he clutches at his thigh with bone-white knuckles, blood dripping down across his clothes and over his fingers, and he gasps in pain as he tries to move his leg.

At some point Hongbin has entered the building and he’s got one of Wonshik’s hands in his own, face wound in concern and fear as they talk in a quick, hushed voices, no doubt discussing the injury. Sanghyuk feels frozen in place, eyes bouncing between Wonshik and Hakyeon, only realizing he’s bleeding slightly from his own small injury when Jaehwan asks again, voice shaking, “Are _you_ okay?”

“I’m fine,” he says, and he is for now. He can stand, and he tries to help get Hakyeon up and to his feet. Jaehwan helps as well, each of the eldest’s arms around their shoulders as they help him out and into the back of the van. Sanghyuk arranges him safely across the floor in the back, his leg propped up, and Jaehwan climbs into the front.

“Close the door,” says Jaehwan, and he’s fumbling around in search of what’s most likely the keys.

“Hongbin and Wonshik aren’t back yet,” strains Hakyeon, voice thin, doing his best to sit up and peer into the front before Sanghyuk presses him back down to lay against the floor.

Jaehwan ignores him, eventually finding the keys and jamming them into the ignition, twisting and misstarting the engine a few times, “Close the door, Sanghyuk.”

“They aren’t back, hyung.” Sanghyuk fumbles around to find something to tie around Hakyeon’s leg, a makeshift tourniquet, eventually tying a jacket round tight and pressing his hands against the wound to try and make it cease bleeding.

“He’s going to bleed out,” retorts Jaehwan, finally getting the engine going, and the car shifts as it’s pulled into gear. Sanghyuk looks up to the front again to see him putting both hands on the wheel and they start to move, when--

“Jaehwan!” Hakyeon shouts, and it’s clear even just in the sound that he has to struggle to get it out, his face pale but expression determined. “They aren’t back! Don’t you dare leave, that’s an order.”

There’s a silence in which Sanghyuk can see Jaehwan’s hands squeeze the wheel, can hear the leather squeak by how hard he grips it, where the car stops but he doesn’t touch the brake. He turns to look back at the two of them, and Sanghyuk is shocked to see tears streaking down his cheeks, eyes red. Where he’s usually always composed, raw fear is written across his whole face as he looks at the two of them, his chest heaving and stuttering with his breath and attire in disarray.

They simply stare at each other for a few seconds that feel like hours, an unguarded, vulnerable Jaehwan on display for only the two of them to see, and no one says anything. The moment is quiet, unmarred by anything but pure emotion, an organic disturbance in their usual dynamic.

The atmosphere’s only broken when Wonshik comes stumbling into the middle seat of the van, Hongbin following soon after and sitting him down. He shuts the door behind him and Jaehwan whips back around to face the windshield, not waiting for anyone to strap in before he’s driving away.

“I’ve got Sejeong’s team on the way to our safehouse nearest to your location.” Taekwoon’s voice crackles in over the headset. Sanghyuk had forgotten he was wearing one. It clicks when he sees the way that Wonshik and Hongbin are staring at the back of Jaehwan’s head that they’d heard the entire conversation before they’d piled into the van. So had Taekwoon.

The silence in the car is deafening. The only sounds are from both Wonshik and Hakyeon, their unsteady breathing as a result of their wounds. The silence from Jaehwan is the loudest. He reroutes their course in an instant, driving as fast as he can without being reckless, without jostling the two injured in the back too much.

They reach the safehouse and Hana is already there, wrenching open the back doors of the van and wheeling a stretcher as close to the edge of it as it can be. Jaehwan exits the car and comes around the back quick enough to help with hoisting Hakyeon onto the cot, though he avoids eye contact with Sanghyuk the entire way.

Sejeong and Hongbin are helping Wonshik inside, leading the way, and Hana and Sanghyuk are pushing the stretcher in a close second behind them. He briefly sees Jaehwan toss the keys to Nayoung before he’s joining them as well, holding tight to Hakyeon’s hand as they go.

Everything else passes by in a blur. Sanghyuk hasn’t really had to deal with their med team too often -- especially not for anything as serious as this. It’d always been someone else in the bed, or him, not Hakyeon. He’s never had to experience it with the unfiltered dread that came from seeing his boyfriend under the light, getting the bullet taken out by a pair of tweezers after being put under by a needle longer than Sanghyuk thinks he’s ever seen.

When it’s all said and done, Hakyeon’s hooked up to an IV bag and Wonshik is in a bed somewhere on the other side of the warehouse, with Hongbin. Taekwoon had been sent to confirm to the others that the couple was okay and in good condition upon checking on them, after arriving as quickly as he could and relaying the address of the crew’s base to their cleanup group. Neither Sanghyuk nor Jaehwan has left Hakyeon’s bedside the entire time.

“He should be waking up soon,” says Hyeyeon, stepping back from where she’d been shining the little flashlight into Hakyeon’s eyes after peeling them open. She smiles, touches Sanghyuk’s arm, then Jaehwan’s, and leaves.

It’s not much longer after she leaves that Hakyeon _is_ waking up, slowly, first squeezing Sanghyuk’s hand in his. He leans in a little closer from his seat beside the cot, holding Hakyeon’s hand in both of his and pressing his lips to the back of it. At that, Hakyeon’s eyes open, and Sanghyuk feels like he could sob in relief.

“You’re okay,” he breathes, and stands to press his forehead to Hakyeon’s, kiss the bridge of his nose.

From the corner of his eye, he can see Jaehwan visibly deflate from where his body has been wound up in a paralyzing dismay over Hakyeon’s condition, shoulders falling and breath whooshing out in one go.

In the moment, though, all he can see is Hakyeon. Not healthy, but alive and breathing and in stable condition, smiling at Sanghyuk like nothing is wrong.

“I love you,” he says, and Sanghyuk doesn’t hesitate a moment in returning the sentiment, kissing him once again on either cheek before he sits down again. Hakyeon’s eyes drift over and away from him, the happy expression on his face transitioning into something more furrowed, confused, worried. “Jaehwan--”

But Jaehwan is already halfway out the door, his back facing them, and not even the call of his name makes him hesitate. He turns once he’s out and the sound of his footsteps down the hallway fades into nothing after a few moments. Sanghyuk goes to get up and follow after him but he’s held back by Hakyeon’s grip on his hand, keeping him in place.

“He’ll be back,” he says, and he sounds so confident and sure in his words that Sanghyuk, as always, believes him with minimal protest.

So they wait.

They wait until Taekwoon comes in to sit with them, to shed a few tears at Hakyeon’s bedside while Sanghyuk pretends not to see and stares at the empty doorway instead. He pulls up a chair as well and eventually falls asleep sitting up.

Still, they wait.

They wait until Wonshik and Hongbin venture into the room, Wonshik’s arm in a sling and worse for wear but still functioning, or so he says. He asks where Jaehwan is, despite Hongbin’s clear stance of pretending not to care where their sixth member is, to which he receives no response. Eventually the two of them get the hint that neither Sanghyuk nor Hakyeon is feeling talkative, and they leave under the excuse of letting Wonshik rest more.

Together, they continue to wait.

And wait.

Hands clasped together, they wait through multiple checkups by Hyeyeon, anticipating something, anything, but by the time the sun rises the next morning, any hope that had been left has gone by now.

Jaehwan doesn’t return.


	5. wasted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another short one but jampacked full of all the sads. sorry

Everything’s been postponed while Hakyeon and Wonshik heal. That’s the story they tell their contacts, the allies asking where the six of them have been and wondering why they haven’t lit up the streets the past few days.

In reality, Hongbin and Taekwoon are too busy looking for Jaehwan to have time to do any jobs, while Sanghyuk is stuck nursing Hakyeon and Wonshik back to health the best he can. They’re all doing their best to stay as occupied as they can, to try and not pretend like they’re missing something fairly important. (It’s not really working that well.)

In that time, Hakyeon has voiced multiple worries that Jaehwan isn’t going to return. He sounds almost defeated every time he brings it up and though Sanghyuk does his best to remain as optimistic as he can, he can feel the cynicism beginning to wear down on him too. As more and more days pass with no word from Jaehwan, no successful leads for Hongbin and Taekwoon, his hopes dwindle.

Still, he’s almost desperately holding onto that last thread of faith in Jaehwan that he has. 

He thinks of Jaehwan and him in that stolen car together, that night he’d realized his own feelings. He thinks about how, really, Jaehwan had initiated the chase between the three of them by pursuing him and Hakyeon first, and then let the two of them do the rest of the work. But still, he’d flirted first.

He thinks of Jaehwan and the look he’d give Sanghyuk every time he wanted to conspire to tease Hakyeon, to poke and prod at him in all the ways that he knew would rile Hakyeon up the best, thinks of the other smug look Jaehwan would get right after when he was able to get out of any reprimanding while Sanghyuk got the full brunt of it, eyes bright and grin wide. He thinks of how much his heart swelled every time, even as he was the only one to be lectured.

He thinks of how _much_ he and Hakyeon had wanted Jaehwan, how deep their desire had run. Still runs. He thinks about how despite his constant doubting, he’d really thought that there was a chance that Jaehwan returned those same desires. He holds onto the prospect that maybe that’s still true.

He thinks of their chemistry as a triad, how well they’d worked together. How in sync they’d been in the bedroom -- how in sync they’d remained when they’d been together as three outside of the bedroom. How comfortable things were between the three of them.

He hopes, and he hopes, and he hopes, because hope is one of the only things he has left that’s keeping him from crumbling. 

He’s snapped from his thoughts when the front door audibly shuts and Sanghyuk gets up from where he’d been sitting at Hakyeon’s bedside, instinctively, his gut feeling leading him out and into the living room. He catches just a glimpse of Jaehwan as the elder exits at a breakneck speed to slam the door of his bedroom behind him once he’s inside, and Hongbin and Taekwoon soon burst through the entrance to the penthouse right after. 

“Where’d he go?” Hongbin says, a little out of breath and a lot annoyed. Sanghyuk doesn’t even have time to process how he feels, simply lifting his hand and silently pointing in the direction Jaehwan had gone.

Taekwoon brushes past Hongbin and down the hallway, knocking on the door of Jaehwan’s room a few times before trying the doorknob. No dice. He knocks a few more times, and then Hongbin nudges him aside and kicks the door harshly instead, leaving a scuff mark as he does.

“Hey, asshole!” He shouts, and bangs on the wood with a fist a few times to punctuate the syllables of his insult. “I just chased you down across like, seven blocks, you owe it to fucking talk at least for a minute.”

“I don’t owe shit, kid,” says Jaehwan, his voice muffled from behind his door. Sanghyuk’s heart stutters in his chest at the sound of it, even with the anger simmering low beneath the words. “I told the both of you. I’m leaving, and neither you or the Jung are going to stop me.” In the middle of his sentence the door bursts open and Jaehwan steps past the two of them, a stuffed bag tossed over his shoulder, making a beeline for the door.

Midway across the living room, though, he looks up and his eyes catch Sanghyuk’s, and he stops dead in place. In what’s probably a few seconds but for what feels like hours, they just look at each other, Sanghyuk’s heart pounding so hard against his ribcage that it hurts, blood rushing past his ears. 

Jaehwan is-- well, he looks… almost _scared_. Sanghyuk wants to reach out and tuck the elder into his arms until that expression goes away, but with a jolt he realizes that there’s no other reason Jaehwan looks that way besides himself. He’s put that fear in Jaehwan. The epiphany cuts deeper than he’d like to admit.

Hakyeon, no doubt wondering what all the commotion is, picks the most inopportune time to exit his and Sanghyuk’s room and wander out. “What’s going---” He starts to speak as he limps out of the hallway and into the living room with one hand braced against the wall, but almost trips upon seeing Jaehwan, face lighting up so bright it makes Sanghyuk want to cry. His voice is soft, fond, but relieved, most of all. “Jaehwan.”

Sanghyuk watches as slowly, Hakyeon’s elation fades into something a little more worried, concerned, the space between his brows creasing. Jaehwan’s only gotten tenser, apprehension written even clearer all over his face. “Jaehwan,” repeats Hakyeon, more plea in his tone than before as he places the situation. Forgetting himself, he goes as if to take a step forward without the support of the wall to hold weight in place of his bum leg, and almost falls until Sanghyuk rushes over to catch him, tuck an arm over his shoulder.

They stand together, hip to hip, Sanghyuk’s heart fluttering nervously, jittering like a leaf. Hakyeon’s whole body trembles against him and he takes his boyfriend’s hand in his own, threading their fingers together and squeezing. 

Sanghyuk looks at Jaehwan, as does Hakyeon, and he just stares back, half turned to the two of them and half turned to the door. Hongbin and Taekwoon have disappeared, assumedly to hide from whatever emotionally charged encounter is about to happen.

Their hands fastened tight to one another, nervous energy bouncing between the two of them and in turn off Jaehwan, they wait. 

Moments pass in silence, but still, they wait, ever patient.

Finally, Jaehwan breaks the quiet.

“I can’t do it, okay,” he says, voice flat. In moments, he’s wiped his face clean of any of the disquiet from before, eyes on the carpet. “I know what you want from me, and I can’t do it.”

“Jaehwan,” says Sanghyuk, embarrassed to hear how hoarse his voice sounds. The elder’s eyes briefly flicker up before he’s staring at his feet again, the line of his mouth flat and eyes blank. The only thing that betrays him is how tight his fists are clenched, how much his hands shake. “That doesn’t mean you have to leave.”

“Leave,” echoes Hakyeon, and his grip on Sanghyuk’s hand tightens. “You want to leave because of us?”

“Life isn’t a fucking fairytale, Hakyeon,” snaps Jaehwan, and he’s gone from expressionless to vividly enraged in another split second. Sanghyuk takes an unconscious step back, unused to seeing Jaehwan’s fury directed at any of the crew, let alone himself. “You can’t just snap your fingers and make everything fucking okay.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t let us try, Jaehwan. All of us, I mean… Sanghyuk and I; you know we-- you _know_ \--”

“Hakyeon, love doesn’t mean that everything is going to turn out alright. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that staying with them is the right thing to do for you.” 

“But running away is the right thing?” Hakyeon fires back right away, and Sanghyuk can feel the years of tension between the two of them, the years they’ve known each other before he was in the picture, lining the conversation with layers he can’t even begin to piece together. “It’s what you’ve always done, isn’t it? Run away from anything that’s going good for you when it has even the slightest chance of not going well? How well has that turned out?”

“Better than staying ever did,” retorts Jaehwan. He opens his mouth to start again and then stops, growls low in his throat, staring at the ceiling as if rifling for the right words to say before he speaks again. “I come first. Before anyone else. Crew is important, but I come first. I can’t afford to be having to look out for two other backs before I look out for my own.”

That seems to shock Hakyeon into silence, and where the line of his body had strung taut with his frustration he now lets it all go, going limp against Sanghyuk’s side. His grip slackens, but Sanghyuk still holds tight.

“That’s selfish,” says Sanghyuk, something frustrated sparking up in his belly. “Jaehwan, even if you don’t care for Hakyeon hyung and I in the way we do for you, that doesn’t mean you have to leave. Everyone cares about you here. You’re my friend before you’re someone I want to date.”

Jaehwan laughs, derisive, cruel, his eyes closing. “You’re so naive sometimes that it’s cute, Sanghyuk. It doesn’t matter. This crew doesn’t matter to me. You-- I-- neither of you matter to me. I… don’t love you. Romantically or otherwise. I liked your company and you were fun to fuck.”

Sanghyuk’s breath seizes in his throat, holding there.

“That’s all that was between us. We were coworkers, okay? That’s all. I’m leaving. Please don’t contact me.” Jaehwan, despite himself, says the words softly, as if trying to soften the blow that each sentence deals. He doesn’t even try to meet Hakyeon or Sanghyuk’s eyes as he turns to the door, the curve of his shoulders straight, bunched round his ears. 

Where one moment had felt like a million before, it takes way too short of a time for him to reach the door and leave through it.

When the door shuts, Sanghyuk lets go of the breath he’s been holding. His head feels like it’s full of cotton, his heart splintering with each new breath he takes as the reality of the situation hits him.

Hakyeon buckles to the floor beside him and starts to cry into his palms, both sounding and feeling as if he’s a mile away even as Sanghyuk gathers him in his arms and holds him close. He’s disconnected from his body, Jaehwan’s words parroting off in his head, over and over, _neither of you matter to me_. It hurts. It hurts more than Sanghyuk would have ever thought it would, but he can’t bring himself to cry.

He wipes Hakyeon’s tears with his thumbs, careful, offers as much comfort as he can, and wills himself not to wait for Jaehwan to walk back through that door, because he no longer has any hope that he might.


	6. manual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an insight into jaehwan

Jaehwan’s already blocks away in one of his cars when the reality of what he’s done settles over him, and he’s hit with a wave of regret harder than anything he’s ever experienced. It rocks him in his seat, disorients him so much that he has to pull over and press his forehead against the steering wheel, willing himself not to cry.

“It’s not worth it,” he repeats to himself, “they aren’t worth it.” His vision blurs in front of him though, throat clogging. They might not be worth it, but he’d wanted so badly for them to be.

Really taking in his surroundings, it's only now that Jaehwan realizes which of his cars he had unconsciously chosen from the garage. It's the one he and Sanghyuk had stolen, that first night where he'd acted on the attraction he'd held secret for so long, and it's this that tips him close to setting off entirely.

It takes minutes before he stops shaking enough, to where he feels okay to drive without crumpling over top of his dashboard, weepy. He wipes the unshed tears from the corners of his eyes hastily, digs his teeth tight into his bottom lip hard enough to where it's all he can concentrate on, and he steels himself with that sensation.

 _They don't matter_ , he repeats, again and again, a mantra. _It doesn't matter_.

* * *

He reopens a bank account he'd had before his time with the crew, and while there isn't nearly as much money in it as he had had in their shared account, it's enough to where he can lay low for a while. Jaehwan rents hotel rooms with the money, all seedy and dingy and inexpensive, surrounding himself with an environment as gross as how he feels on the inside.

Deep down, he knows he's being dramatic, but surface level, he's unsure of how else to cope.

It feels as if he's out of control -- which he _hates_.

Control is why Jaehwan enjoys driving so much, why he'd spent so much time with a wheel to where he knew each trick and twist to get the machine to behave exactly how he wanted it to. It's why he doesn't let anyone drive his personal vehicles, why he was the only one he allowed beneath the hood to check on them.

It's why he continues to drive now -- the only level of control that remains entirely intact -- getting up in the morning and stuffing his small bag of belongings in the backseat before he takes off. There's no destination on the gps, no goal in mind that he's going towards.

He just drives.

Jaehwan controls where he is, what he's doing, how fast he goes, how he looks, who he's with. He has for years. It's the way he prefers it -- he'd joined the crew thinking that it would be easier to score the money he wanted with more people at his back. Their company had been enough to stay for longer than he'd initially intended, and he'd stayed even longer because he'd liked all of them just enough to want to stick around.

Except near the end, it felt as if he was slowly losing grip on that control he'd held over himself. His reason for staying was slowly dissipating; he still enjoyed the crew's company just fine, but there was something more growing beneath the surface.

 _You loved them_ , his mind supplies. He has to pull the car to a stop on the side of the highway and stick his head between his legs, feeling as if he's going to vomit, head swimming.

Jaehwan wishes he could dispute that. He wishes he didn't love them -- all of them, really, not just... not just _them_. He'd loved Wonshik, Hongbin, Taekwoon; the lot of them. More than he'd ever intended to.

Those three, he can deal with. It's Sanghyuk and Hakyeon that scare him, the intensity that they inspire within him.

That night at the warehouse where Hakyeon had gotten hurt, that was the last straw for him. He'd already had worries about the three of them, about the looks he could tell they sent his way. He worried about how much he wanted to return each of those looks. (He regrets not kissing Sanghyuk in that kitchen when he could have.)

Jaehwan had kept as much distance as he could bring himself to, but even that wasn't enough to quell whatever was growing inside him.

He'd never before felt as out of control as he had in that warehouse. It was terrifying, like he wasn't in his own body, but watching it act alone without his volition. He'd felt every ounce of panic tenfold more than he ever had before, but had no reign on how intense it was or how intense his response ended up being.

In the van, being told by the boys he was most concerned for that he was doing the wrong thing in not waiting for the other members of their crew, was where he finally settled back into his own body. It was where he realized how terribly he'd let himself and his actions get out of control, and he hated the way it made him feel. He hated the way that he knew he was coming off -- irrational, thoughtless. It was everything he’d worked so hard to never be.

Emotional. Pathetic. Worthless. He hadn't even realized he was crying until he saw how much it shocked Sanghyuk.

He doesn't even quite remember what had happened after that. It was all a blur, the driving to the safehouse, waiting by Hakyeon's bedside. He couldn't meet anyone's eyes, not after how reckless he'd been. How inconsiderate for their wellbeing.

It's in that room, watching Sanghyuk do his best not to weep upon learning that Wonshik is okay, that he decides he needs to leave. He can't hurt his friends because he's too invested in the people he wishes were more than just his friends.

The first thing he does that day where he feels like he's in control is leave, but it's also the thing that makes him feel the worst about himself. Even now, after he's been gone for a week, he still feels just as bad. His skin crawls every time he thinks of the crew, and every time he thinks about the look on Hakyeon and Sanghyuk's faces as he'd told them he didn't love them, he wants to throw up.

Even now, when he's more in control than ever, his body is betraying him. He can control every bit of what he does, but he still can't control how he feels. That only seems to worsen as time goes on.

There's a buzzing that breaks him from his self pity and nausea and it takes a few seconds of it before he's alert, looking for the source of the sound. He eventually finds it -- his burner phone, the one he'd bought months ago in case there were ever an emergency where he had to leave in a hurry. None of the crew members have the number -- he'd ditched his other phone in a dumpster the night he'd first abandoned the crew.

The caller ID is hidden -- he hesitates. There's some perverse hope deep inside him that hopes it's Hakyeon, telling him to come home. He's rarely ever been able to say no to him -- doing so at the house had been one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do.

"Hello?" He picks up the phone, voice scratchy from disuse.

"Jaehwan," says the person on the line, and Jaehwan's heart drops into his stomach.

"Taekwoon," he greets back, closing his eyes and willing himself to sound as strong as he wants to be, despite how much his hands shake. He has to hold the receiver to his ear with both hands. "If you're calling to tell me to come back, I'm not going to. I already told them I'm not gonna be a part of their interfucking."

"That's not why I'm calling." Taekwoon interrupts him before he can launch into a rant, and Jaehwan shuts up almost immediately. "They don't know I know your number. I know where you are -- did you really think that I wouldn't put trackers in all of our cars?"

"Paranoid," mutters Jaehwan.

"Yeah," says Taekwoon. "I'm not calling to let you know that I know where you are, either. I'm not sending anyone after you, we aren't going to chase you."

"Then why are you fucking calling, Jung?" Jaehwan snaps, eyes squeezing tight. He doesn't want to hear any of this, but he can't bring himself to hang up. "Stop being so goddamned cryptic."

"I want you to know how Hakyeon and Sanghyuk are doing," he says, so simply, as if his words aren't striking cold and deep in Jaehwan's chest. "It's not well, if you're wondering."

Jaehwan, without checking behind his car, bursts out of the door in a hurry, nearly getting hit by a truck that speeds by. It honks before swerving around him, throwing the bird out the window, but he barely takes notice. He needs air, the closed space of the cabin suddenly much too small for him to handle.

"I don't care," he spits, but it doesn't even sound true to his own ears. "Didn't you hear? I don't care about the crew. _I don't_." He paces round the outside of his car, free arm wrapped tight around his stomach as if trying to physically force it to stop turning.

"Even if you don't, I'm still letting you know." Taekwoon's tone speaks volumes -- he doesn't believe Jaehwan, not in the slightest. "Hakyeon's locked himself in his room. He's not taking any calls, he only eats and drinks when Sanghyuk brings him food. He doesn't think we can hear him crying, but we can."

"Why are you telling me this," gasps Jaehwan, crouching down by the side of the road. His voice trembles just as much as his body does, little tremors echoing up his spine.

Taekwoon barrels along as if he'd never spoken, "Sanghyuk is worse. He's barely home -- Hongbin and I have tried to follow him, but he's gotten quite wily over the years, really, he must have learned from you. I managed to find some footage of him on some fighting ring forum -- he's coming home every night with blood on his hands. Seems he's taken a liking to beating the shit out of anyone who's willing to let him. He hasn't cried once."

Jaehwan doesn't respond. Taekwoon seems to take that as grounds to continue. "They're really broken up over it, Jaehwan. I know you don't care, and they _don't matter to you_ , but it _is_ your fault."

Taekwoon hisses his own words right back at him, mocks him with malice in each word, and Jaehwan can't take it. He hangs up without another word and stands again, quivering from head to toe. He can't tell if it's from anger or anguish. He rips open the door of his car and climbs in once more, debating between throwing the phone out the window or keeping it.

(In the end, he stuffs it into the cupholder. Something within him won't let him get rid of it, not when it's the last connection he has to the people he'd spent months with, no matter if he's trying to get away from them or not.)

He has to do something. Energy bubbles thick underneath the surface of his skin, lighting a fire under him to do _something_ , to expel the emotion that Taekwoon's words have roused within him. Anything to keep his mind off the thought of Hakyeon, alone, crying; of Sanghyuk, disconnected from the people he loves the most and taking it out on strangers -- all because of _him_.

Jaehwan ends up with cash stuffed beneath the passenger seat of his car late that night, winnings from street races he'd entered and dominated. He can tell that he's been recognized by some of the people there, but none approach him. He wonders how bad he must look.

He's unforgiving, both to the drivers he races against and the car he's using. He slams and he tailgates and he doesn't bother attempting not to hit his opponents, even sometimes purposefully spinning them out. He doesn't care. _It doesn't matter_.

The car is in terrible shape by the end of the night. He's almost out of gas and he's got dents and scratches along the side, the suspension creaking in protest every time he goes over a bump, brakes squeaking. He should be taking it in and fixing it, but he doesn't bother. When he's exhausted all the fuel and energy he can, he drives until he finds a hotel and checks in.

Underneath the smelly, clearly unwashed blankets, he barely sleeps. Instead he lies awake, the cellphone plugged in and clutched tight in his hand. He wills it to ring, for Taekwoon to call. For _anyone_ to call.

He passes out eventually, unable to keep his eyes open any longer, the phone remaining silent.

* * *

Taekwoon calls every so often over the next few weeks, and Jaehwan does his best to pretend like he hasn't been waiting for it to happen every time. He's going from place to place, stealing another car once the one he'd had before breaks down past the point of repair, but soon that one breaks too from how roughly he treats it.

He figures that Taekwoon can still track his SIM card, though -- he's quietly thankful that the elder doesn't point out how he hasn't gone anywhere, merely going in circles, a close radius round the city. He can't bring himself to truly and actually leave the crew.

The calls are irregular in timing, but Taekwoon always says the same things -- tells him how Hakyeon and Sanghyuk are doing. Jaehwan pretends not to care every time, but he eats up the information like candy. Knowing how they're doing in his absence seem to be keeps him in check, keeps him from running back.

They might be sad -- but they're still mostly functioning. Taekwoon tells him Hakyeon is trying to get crew activity going again, and Wonshik has stepped up to help as much as he can, as Sanghyuk is still MIA.

This call, though no more suspicious than the others, goes much different.

"Miss me that much?" He says by way of greeting when he picks up, aiming at sounding teasing. It doesn't work -- any mirth that should be in his voice is gone, replaced with something more despondent.

"Yes," says the person on the other end, but it's not Taekwoon. "Not as much as Hakyeon does, though."

" _Wonshik_? You.. I.. I don't care, how Hakyeon feels, he's--"

"I'm sure you don't care, Jaehwan," says Wonshik, sounding much more tired than usual. It's routine, at this point, that Jaehwan tells Taekwoon he doesn't care. Taekwoon still doesn't believe him, but it seems like Wonshik doesn't mind either way. "But you might care that he wants to disband the crew entirely."

Wonshik is right. Whatever news he'd been bracing himself to hear, that had never been something he'd imagined. "You-- he... what?" He chokes, fingers tightening into the duvet of the hotel bed he sits on.

"Sanghyuk hasn't been home for more than an hour in a week. Hakyeon's been doing his best to keep it together but he's really not doing well at all. He says the crew isn't the crew without Sanghyuk, and doubly not without you. Taekwoon is beside himself -- he's afraid. He doesn't know what he's going to do if the crew disbands, if he's going to be able to hide himself from his family. Hongbin is scared, too. As am I."

"Disband the crew," reiterates Jaehwan, in disbelief.

"Yes, Jaehwan, you fucking-- ugh." Here, it seems like Wonshik has to take a pause, one Jaehwan doesn't even attempt to fill. He's speechless. "You're such an asshole sometimes. Sanghyuk was right about you being selfish. You left because you can't get your fucking shit together, when the people who were willing to _help_ you with that were right there, begging you to let them. And now you've fucked all of us because you can't get your head out of your ass for two seconds to see what a good thing you left behind."

Jaehwan starts to apologize but Wonshik cuts him off by laughing, no humor in the sound, depreciating. "Maybe you didn't care about us, Jaehwan, but we definitely cared about you. A whole fucking lot, actually. Nobody's been the same since you left. Maybe you didn't want to look out for us, but we still wanted to look out for you. You--"

"Wonshik," he finally manages to get out, finding his voice again. "I'm-- he can't disband the crew."

"Yeah, Jaehwan, but he's going to. He's already told us to start packing our things."

"No," says Jaehwan, disbelieving.

" _Yes_ , you moron," says Wonshik, sounding fondly exasperated despite himself. "He's going to. I've tried to talk him out of it, but he won't listen to me. I can't get Sanghyuk to sit still for long enough to talk to him, either. I don't even know if they see each other anymore."

The thought is too much to bear. Quick still images of Hakyeon and Sanghyuk together flit through his mind, all at once, of how happy they were together -- there were instances where Jaehwan was jealous of that, despite knowing that if he wanted to be a part of that, he simply had to ask and he could be. How could all that be gone, so quickly? Because of _him_? It doesn't make sense.

He hangs up without saying anything, slamming the phone face down onto the bedspread and standing. Jaehwan can't catch his breath as it heaves out of him in quick, panicked bursts, and he does a quick loop of the room in his mild hysteria. He ends right back at the bed, where the phone begins to ring again, but he can't bring himself to pick it up again.

In a rush, he jams everything back into his bag at a speed that he's mastered in the weeks that he's been bouncing between hotels, pulls on socks and shoes, and is out the door within minutes. He throws his things into the passenger seat of his latest car and he's got it going in record time, pulling out and onto the street and zooming off in a familiar direction.

It takes him no time at all to get to their building -- he knows all the shortcuts and side streets to take to skip the traffic. He parks on the street, unable to get into the garage, but he buzzes himself in easily. They haven't changed the code since he left.

He’s jittery the whole elevator ride up, unable to stand still. He wonders if Taekwoon is watching the cameras, if he can see him coming. The elevator dings for the right floor and the doors open, and this is where Jaehwan finally snaps to out of the tunnel vision he'd had since Wonshik had called. He's about to see all of them -- or at least some of them -- again. He's not in any way, shape, or form prepared.

But still, despite his trepidation in seeing anyone again, he pushes on. _Hakyeon's going to disband the crew_ , his head says, in some vague imitation of Wonshik's voice, and it's still just as terrible sounding as it had been when he'd said it initially. He can't let that that happen. Not because of his own mistakes. This is something that he's willing to try and exert some last level of control over, if he still has any sway in the choice.

So he presses on, steps out, and uses the key he still has to let himself into the penthouse in a hurry. He bursts in in a rush, stumbling through the doorway, uncoordinated and nervous and high strung.

Hongbin bursts out of the bathroom, pants undone, a pistol drawn and cocked as he points it at the door, ready to shoot whatever intruder he thinks has broken in. He thankfully pauses just before he blows a hole right through Jaehwan's face, a mixture of relief and confusion written all over his face, voice timid, "Jaehwan...? What are you--"

"Where's Hakyeon." It's more of a statement than a question, and Jaehwan is a little ashamed of how strained his voice sounds, how desperate. His fingers twitch, breath comes out quick, the gravity of his body pulling him forward and in the direction Hongbin points.

He pushes open the door to Hakyeon and Sanghyuk's shared room, and the breath gets blown out of him all in one go. Hakyeon sits on the bed, the sheets wrinkly beneath him and duvet wrapped around his shoulders -- he looks so small, so tiny, especially for someone who usually has a presence so big it can take up a whole room. (Even now, at such a low point, he continues to capture all of Jaehwan's attention.)

Hakyeon turns to him, then, the bags under his eyes and the discoloration of his skin clear as day. His expression turns from something exhausted to something both exhausted _and_ shocked, and then to something stuck between confusion and fear. "Jaehwan," he says, and his voice is so quiet.

"Hakyeon," breathes Jaehwan, and he marches over in a few steps to take either of the elder's shoulders in his hands, as if to shake him. "You can't disband the crew."

The confusion deepens, as does the knitting of Hakyeon's brow. "Jaehwan, what--"

"You can't," interrupts Jaehwan, almost frantic. He's more than aware how terribly he's coming off -- gone, for weeks, and then returning only to tell Hakyeon what he can and can't do? "I'm not worth that. The crew is more than just the people in it, hyung. It's yours. Everyone is here because of you. You're the heart of it, you're so important to all of-- all of us."

Hakyeon is staring at him like he's grown a third head. Jaehwan swallows thickly, tongue feeling much too big in his mouth, but he continues to talk, "You can't-- what's Taekwoon going to do without you? Where do you think Wonshik and Hongbin are going to go? They need you, Hakyeon. They love you."

"Sanghyuk, he--" Even just saying his name, Jaehwan chokes on his words. He doesn't deserve to say anything about Sanghyuk, does he? He's the reason that he's gone in the first place. "He'll come back. I fucked up and I'm sorry but he loves you more than enough. You know that he loves the crew, too. He's such a good kid, he's grown up so well, and it's because of you. Because of all of us. You can't.. disband a family, Hakyeon. I have no place to say it, but it's cruel and unfair."

There's silence. Jaehwan doesn't let it last long, not wanting to let it stretch too long, fills it with rambling and lets his hands fall from Hakyeon's shoulders, staring down at the bedspread instead.

"I really doubt you care about my opinion at this point, but I can't just sit by and watch you destroy something that was so important to me, Hakyeon. It isn't fair. I wasn't fair to you, or to Sanghyuk. I was too scared to face the truth and I pushed you away and I'm going to be sorry about that for forever, but I won't let you make a stupid decision like this just because of my mistakes."

"Jaehwan," says Hakyeon, finally speaking. Jaehwan can't sort out what his tone is, and it inspires a bit of panic within him. He looks entirely overwhelmed, blinking repeatedly as if he's been physically hit by every single thing that Jaehwan's said. "You... your... where did you...? I'm not disbanding the crew, Jaehwan. I don't know where you got that idea, but it never even crossed my mind."

"What?" Of all the things he'd been expecting Hakyeon to say ( _get out, you don't control me, I hate you, this isn't your decision to make_ ), this hadn't even been close to one of them. "But, Wonshik said..."

Wonshik. Of course. He'd lied, to get Jaehwan to come back. This new understanding has him stumbling back a step, letting out a soft, defeated laugh. He'd been tricked. Played for a fool. Despite this, he isn't angry. He feels much lighter, a weight off his shoulders after getting everything out into the open.

"You've been talking to Wonshik?" asks Hakyeon, hurt underlying his voice, and that good feeling immediately dissipates.

Jaehwan startles, hurrying to try to remedy the situation as quick as he can. "No, he called today, he told me you were going to... after everything Taekwoon said, I thought that it was likely that--"

"Taekwoon, too?"

Oh, god. He sounds so _crushed_. Jaehwan sits at the edge of the bed, peels away the blanket Hakyeon has clutched tight around him, and takes either of his hands. Hakyeon looks wounded, distrustful.

"He was trying to get me to come back. He... god, Hakyeon, they both knew I was lying about not caring about you-- a-and the crew!" He hastily tacks that on, face warming. Hakyeon faintly smiles, posture loosening. "And the crew, of course. Taekwoon tried to guilt trip me into coming back, but I guess Wonshik wanted to take a more... direct approach to it. It worked."

"You lied," says Hakyeon, testing the words out, head lowering down to look at where their hands join together. Self consciously, Jaehwan moves to take his away, but Hakyeon holds tight, linking their fingers loosely together and then lifting his gaze, almost shy. "Am I wrong to assume maybe you lied about other things, too?"

Jaehwan's breath catches and he blinks a few times, stomach leadening. This is it. He's pushed Hakyeon away before, but there's a second chance sitting right in front of him. A chance at what he's wanted so bad but never let himself have, a chance at trying again at them, together. Properly, this time, if he can only let go of a bit of his control.

"Yeah," he says, finally, after what feels like hours of silence, voice croaky. It hurts a little, to say, grating out past his dry throat. The bright smile that overtakes Hakyeon's whole face is more than worth the inner turmoil he's dragged himself through.

"Fucking drama queen," murmurs Hakyeon, taking one of his hands from Jaehwan's to cup his cheek instead and draw him down, pressing a quiet kiss to his forehead before resting their heads against one another. His thumb idly brushes over Jaehwan's cheekbone, eyes resting on his, that soft smile still on his face. Something soft shifts in Jaehwan, warming him from head to toe, and he can't help but return the smile. "Don't know why I expected any more from you, I've known you long enough to know better."

"I could be _your_ drama queen, if you want," says Jaehwan, and it's more than just relieving to finally be teasing again, to let his voice slip into that little coyness he reserves just for Hakyeon and Sanghyuk. Speaking of: the fond expression on Hakyeon's face fades slowly, hand falling to his lap and eyes following.

"I don't know what Taekwoon's told you," says Hakyeon, "but Sanghyuk, he's... not taken well to you leaving."

"I know," whispers Jaehwan, a familiar guilt filling his belly.

"He's young, and maybe you lied, but that doesn't mean that the betrayal he feels isn't real," says Hakyeon, putting on his Leader Voice. It's really odd, something so strong coming from him when he looks so frail. "I've tried to talk him out of what he's doing, but he won't listen to me no matter what I say."

"I'll try." Jaehwan sounds much surer than he feels. It doesn't help that Hakyeon grimaces, clearly of little faith. "I'll try my best," he corrects, but that doesn't seem to quell any of Hakyeon's visible worries.

"Be careful," says Hakyeon, and he gives Jaehwan one more kiss to the corner of his mouth before he's drawing away, unearthing himself from the mountain of blankets he's buried himself in and standing. "I'm going to shower and have a talk with Taekwoon about keeping things from me."

Jaehwan takes a moment or two to gather himself after Hakyeon's gone to wash up before he's leaving the room as well, armed with a new sense of reason. He's going to find Sanghyuk, and he's going to apologize, and he’s going to bring him home.

He's not expecting Wonshik to be sitting on the couch, a gun in his hand, staring at the hallway as if he was waiting for Jaehwan to walk out any moment. His fingers twitch when he sees Jaehwan, eyes narrowing.

"Were you..." Jaehwan pauses, assessing the situation. "Were you going to shoot me, if I tried to run out again?"

Wonshik shrugs.

Jaehwan smiles wide, coming round to take a seat beside Wonshik and drape his legs over the other, arm around his shoulder, voice sugary sweet and hewwo-ified. "Well, I'm here to stay, dear Wonshikie. Weady to talk about why wying is bad and you shouldn't ewer do it to your hyung, ewen if you think it's the wight thing to do? The wesson starts now, and I expect an apowogy and _wots_ of kisses!!!"

He makes a show of making kissy lips at Wonshik and leaning in close, to which Wonshik responds by throwing his head back in an attempt to get away, shaking with laughter. Jaehwan can’t help but laugh, too, chest warming.

It's good to be home.


	7. fury

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hakyeon is soft and mushy and forgiving but sanghyuk.....maybe less gooey

Sanghyuk's hands ache, joints protesting every time he tries to curl his fingers into his palms. His knuckles are wrapped messily, the gauze rusted brown with dried blood and red in some places where wounds have reopened, but still, he fights. 

Fists raised, he does his best to protect his face and his stomach but his opponent gets in a few blows, splitting his already-busted lip. He manages to score his own jabs, but he's so bone-tired that a fight that should have ended with his clear victory finishes in a draw. His body fights back against him, screaming exhaustion, and after stumbling out of the ring and further down the alley, he throws up.

He's not sure what time it is. He'd left when the sun was just setting and he can see it peeking over the horizon again now, the sky slowly brightening from its deep, star-speckled black to a navy blue. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, the taste of his own vomit still in his mouth, and wishes he had something to wash it out with.

"Water?" Someone asks from behind him, and he blearily straightens from where he'd been bent over himself to take the bottle presented to him and uncap it, downing enough to where he can swish it around and then spit it out.

"Thanks," he mutters, voice gruff, and goes to hand the water bottle back. In the seconds before the transfer is made, his eyes flicker up to the stranger's face and he almost drops the water bottle entirely, his grip slipping on it momentarily as he takes a step back, choking on his breath. "Jaehwan?"

And it is him, standing there like he hasn't been gone for weeks, wiggling his fingers in a wave with a shy little smile. Sanghyuk's first instinct is to punch him.

So he does, dropping the water bottle and swinging an arm back and then forward til his knuckles make contact with the side of Jaehwan's jaw. Jaehwan, apparently too surprised to even try to dodge, just lets it happen, stumbling back and rubbing at his face. Sanghyuk winces and settles his shaky fingers over top of his knuckles where they throb, as if to soothe the pain. "You look like shit."

Through shaky laughter, Jaehwan eventually turns back to him, hand glued to his cheek, and he really does look quite terrible, clothes wrinkly and hair unstyled and face not made-up in the slightest, "Guess I deserved that, huh?"

"Asshole," sputters Sanghyuk, intelligently, after a few moments in silence during which he tries to grasp a hold on how he feels. Seeing Jaehwan standing there, like nothing had happened, sets off a fury in him that's been building and building, behind a dam he's set up between himself and his emotions. Slowly, that begins to crack, leaving him leaking at the seams with an abundance of anger and despair and grief and sadness that he doesn't know what to do with.

So, he stalks towards Jaehwan again, fists raised, like he's done again and again. Jaehwan takes notice of this, raising both his hands flat in front of him as if to keep Sanghyuk at bay. "I came to apologize, Hyukkie, please--"

"Fuck you!" Sanghyuk shouts it, and draws the attention of some of the people in the circle just down the alleyway, whose heads turn briefly towards them. He doesn't care, trying another shot at hitting Jaehwan, who manages to evade it this time by ducking beneath his arm. "Fuck you and your apology, I don't want to hear it!"

"Sanghyuk!" Jaehwan sounds a little desperate, and he's got his elbows braced out in front of him, clearly on the defensive. Sanghyuk almost wishes Jaehwan would fight back. "Please, just let me say what I want to say, just listen--"

"What, like you listened to us?" Tears burn at the backs of Sanghyuk's eyes, tears unshed from that day those weeks ago, tears he's kept in since then. He blinks them away, furious that he's upset, and even more torn about being as angry as he is. "You didn't give a damn, Jaehwan, you said it yourself. That we were just coworkers. Fuck _off_. You might think I'm naive, but I'm not stupid enough to think that you're going to mean whatever the fuck you're going to say."

"Sanghyuk, please--" Jaehwan's voice is muffled from behind where his arms cover his face, where Sanghyuk tries to get through and land another cuff. 

"Shut up! You can't just come back and apologize and snap your fingers like life's a fucking fairytale and everything's going to be just fucking fine." Sanghyuk's voice is throaty, tumultuous, tone letting on how upset he is as he tosses everything Jaehwan's said right back at him, aiming to hurt him, to make him feel as terrible as Sanghyuk himself does. 

He only stops when he sees Jaehwan's head fall forward and he begins to shake, hands clenching tight into fists where he shields himself, and Sanghyuk stops trying to hit him. His shoulders are shaking, hands curling over top of his head once he realizes he no longer has to protect himself, and with a start, Sanghyuk realizes he's crying.

"I'm sorry," says Jaehwan, voice thick with tears, and he eventually lowers his hands to look the younger dead-on. Sanghyuk is shocked into silence at how open he looks, how... genuine. His eyes are wet but intense, body quivering but still held strong from where he wraps his arms around himself. "I'm sorry I treated you like shit, I'm sorry I used you and Hakyeon like you meant nothing to me and I'm sorry I lied. I love you and I'm sorry. I fucked up. I know I did."

There's quiet between them, broken only by the cheering of the fighting circle some feet away as someone goes down to the ground, knocked out. Sanghyuk stares, and Jaehwan stares back, and he looks fiercely hopeful.

"I can change. I know I'm a piece of shit and I have to be in control of everything, and it's scary to try and hand that over to anyone else, but there's no one I'd rather trust with that than you and Hakyeon," he says. "I want to get better. I want to treat you better, the way you deserve. You and Hakyeon. It's a bit late to be saying it, but I do love you. Both of you. I have for a while, I just... didn't want to admit it. I can now."

"Love doesn't mean that everything is going to turn out alright," he finally says, soft. "Loving someone doesn't mean that staying with them is the right thing to do."

Jaehwan's face crumples and he looks away, wiping clumsily at his cheeks and sniffling as quietly as he can, trying to blink back tears even as they roll down and across the pretty slope of his nose. "It's okay, I'm sorry, you don't have to--- we don't have to be like _that_ , but the crew, Hakyeon..." He turns to Sanghyuk here, face a little more determined atop the plethora of hurt he's trying his best (and failing) to mask. "They need you, Sanghyuk. Sitting around primitive thugs like these is a waste of your potential and abilities and intelligence, and--"

"Jaehwan, shut up." He immediately clams up, and Sanghyuk is a little taken with how odd it is, to be the one in the lead of the conversation, where Jaehwan had almost always conducted the way that everything was going to, before. It's a bit of a head rush.

"Sorry," mumbles Jaehwan, bowing his head down to his feet. Sanghyuk reaches out to settle a hand on his shoulder, draw him into a hesitant, loose hug. He can feel how stiff Jaehwan is against him, how surprised he is, but he just puts a hand on the back of his head and holds the elder in against his chest, tightening the embrace.

"You didn't let me finish, dickhead," he says, letting a bit of affection leak into his voice. "Even when you're trying to apologize you've got to be the first and last to say something, huh?" Jaehwan lets out a little huff, but before he can speak, Sanghyuk keeps talking. "It might not be the right thing to do, but it might not be the wrong thing to do, either."

Jaehwan lifts his head from where Sanghyuk has all but trapped him in a hug, eyes narrowed and suspicious and still teary, but inspirited. "Yeah...?"

"Yeah," he says, simple. Jaehwan looks unimpressed, so he continues. "Maybe it's just... a thing. We could do. Y'know? Like, uh... trying again, or whatever."

"Just as eloquent as always," says Jaehwan, smile as evident on his face as it is in his voice, stretching his mouth wide and showing his teeth. He looks like he's going to cry again, but there's a light behind his eyes that's ecstatic, vibrating, _happy_. He hooks his fingers into the collar of Sanghyuk's dirty, bloody shirt, and pulls him down to press a kiss to his mouth, mumbling against his lips, "Sorry I was such a dick on the first try. I promise I'll be better this time around. 

Sanghyuk laughs, bites Jaehwan's lip hard enough to make him yip unhappily, and draws back. "You're going to have to work pretty hard, hotshot."


	8. together

It isn't like they fall back together and everything is just magically all better, of course.

While Wonshik had easily gone back into routine with Jaehwan as soon as he'd seen that he and Sanghyuk and Hakyeon were all okay with each other, Taekwoon and Hongbin are much more stubborn.

Taekwoon is upset for his part because Wonshik had managed to do in one phone call what he hadn't done in multiple, though he wouldn't admit it out loud. He refuses to talk to anyone but Hongbin and Sanghyuk, as Hakyeon had lectured him too and he was miffed about that -- Sanghyuk only eventually weaned him down into speaking to the rest of them by pointing out that he'd been the one to wear Jaehwan down in the first place. That seemed to soothe his bruised ego.

Hongbin is just stubborn -- he says to anyone that will listen that Jaehwan is an asshole, that he doesn't deserve any of their forgiveness, that he's done too much to just be welcomed back with open arms. Wonshik tells all of them when Hongbin isn't listening that his boyfriend is just embarrassed that he'd busted out of the bathroom with his pants halfway down when Jaehwan had come home, and still pissed that he'd had to run after him for so long after he'd initially left. All Jaehwan has to do is bring him food during an Overwatch binge, and that's that.

With Sanghyuk and Hakyeon, Jaehwan's trying his hardest to make up where he'd lacked before. The first few days back he spends at their beck and call, doing whatever they need doing before they can even lift a finger to do it themselves. Hakyeon takes full advantage of this, ordering Jaehwan around gleefully like he's a master and Jaehwan's the slave. Sanghyuk has to pull him aside and talk him down from it. ("He's not our servant.")

There's a lot of talking, that first night that Jaehwan's back. Tearfully, he apologizes over and over to the two of them, until they get sick of hearing it and Sanghyuk smothers him with a pillow to shut him up. He tells them about what he'd been doing while they were gone, unpacks his bag and snorts with laughter at how repulsed Hakyeon is at the smell of his unwashed clothes.

They lie together, in their much-too-small bed, squished together with Jaehwan in the middle. Sanghyuk clarifies all he can ("We're boyfriends, right?"), Hakyeon manages the two of them ("Yes, if that's what we want to agree on."), and Jaehwan simply revels in everything he's been missing. There's a little bit of kissing, but before anything goes too far he stops, says in a quiet voice that he wants to do things properly, this time.

"I want to take you guys on proper dates and shit," he says, instantly regretting it as soon as he hears how childish it sounds coming out of his mouth and wincing. Hakyeon eats it up like candy, cooing and wrapping Jaehwan up in both his arms to squeeze him, as Sanghyuk snickers under his breath but kisses behind Jaehwan's ear anyways.

So, they date. Jaehwan takes them to dinner in between thei crew’s meetings and discussions regarding their next job, drags Sanghyuk along on night excursions to street race and steal cars -- because, really, he's found quite a liking for them, though he always services his cars afterwards now -- and he corners Hakyeon when he can, to drag him away from his incessant hovering over the heist to get him to relax, whether with a drink or an impromptu robbery of some small business.

It's nice. It's comfortable. He feels more at home with the two of them than he ever has on his own. Sometimes he panics, wants to seize the situation and make it into something he'd much rather prefer even when his way makes no sense, but when he starts to, Sanghyuk puts a hand on his shoulder and Hakyeon gives him a Look and he relaxes, realizes his place.

A similar situation arises the day before their next heist, when Jaehwan is lying awake and going over the plan, over and over in his head. He abruptly sits up and reaches over, shaking Sanghyuk until he wakes, "Do you know how to swim? I was thinking, and maybe you shouldn't-- maybe Wonshik should take your place, what if you fall off the jetski? You can wait with Taekwoon, Shikie can wear a lifejacket--"

"Jaehwan," mumbles Sanghyuk, voice thick with sleep as he reaches to rub at his eye, bleary. "I can swim. Wonshik can't. Go back to sleep."

"Oh," says Jaehwan, and he lies back down and folds his hands over his chest, blinking up at the ceiling. "Okay."

He falls asleep eventually and when he wakes, it's the day of the heist. The morning of prep is a blur, as it always is, the six of them getting ready separately before coming together in the living room, making their way down to the garage and piling into the newly-painted van, a fake company logo on the side.

They reach the server farm and park outside, Sanghyuk nearly shaking with excitement beside Jaehwan while Hakyeon is ever calm, rehashing orders with an even voice.

"Hongbin, you and I are going in through the front. We're just regular IT guys, coming in to do a regular job," he says from his seat, and Jaehwan reaches to adjust his tie until it sits straight. He shoots him a small, private smile of thanks before he's all back to business. "Don't forget your disguise. If either of us are recognized or put under suspicion--"

"The whole job is a bust, yeah, I got it," says Hongbin, who's adjusting his shirt over and over to try and hide the explosives he's got taped to himself underneath. Wonshik watches, antsy. "I'm boring tech man, uh," he glances to his nametag, angling it up til he can see what's written on it, "tech man Yook Sungjae. We're here to fix a malfunctioning machine on the fourth floor."

"Right," says Hakyeon, looking a little concerned with how blasé Hongbin is being, though he presses on. "Sanghyuk, Jaehwan--"

"We're scaling up the back of the building once you and Hongbin are in and Taekwoon can turn off the security system, climbing in through the sixth window up and second over, we know," groans Sanghyuk, legs bouncing impatiently. "Can we go? I really don't want to have to do this in the dark."

"Sanghyuk," warns Hakyeon, in that quiet voice that means business, peering round Jaehwan's body at their boyfriend. Jaehwan puts a hand on Sanghyuk's leg to stop it's jittering, squeezing just above his knee.

"Sorry," he mumbles, though his fingers twitch and he taps them against the tops of his knees to keep moving somehow.

"Wonshik, since everyone else seems to want to _tell_ me what they're doing, why don't you go just go ahead?" Hakyeon sighs, rubbing a hand down the side of his face.

"Waiting with Taekwoon til you give the go ahead and causing a scene inside the front area so they set off the alarms, and then coming back to the van to get away and lead any guards on the bottom floor away and after us," says Wonshik, all matter-of-fact. That seems to satisfy Hakyeon.

"And after, the four of us will...?" Hakyeon trails off, looking at the group expectantly.

"Take off into the night on our majestic, loyal steeds -- jetskis," corrects Jaehwan, exasperatedly, when Hakyeon redirects the Look at him, "until we meet up with Wonshik and Taekwoon and they pick us up off the shore on the other side of town. Sound about right?"

"Right," says Hakyeon, smiling wide. He then claps, gets up from his seat. "Then let's go."

* * *

Things go off without a hitch. Weeks of planning make every unexpected moment something that has a planned response, and the plan works perfectly.

The alarm goes off and the servers shut down and lock out any outside connections, just after Hakyeon's transferred the information he needs onto a separate drive and Sanghyuk and Jaehwan have wiped all the backups. They get out as quick as they can and then Hongbin is blowing the building, permanently destroying everything inside in a ball of smoke and fire so beautiful he stops for a moment to admire it before Hakyeon is physically dragging him away.

They holler and make aimless noise like teenagers as they get away, carefree, exhilarated, bouncing over the waves until they reach the pickup area and beach the jetskis, dousing them in gasoline and destroying them too. They pile into the van and pass around the little drive Hakyeon's brought like it's a trophy, laughing the whole way round.

At some point, Jaehwan catches Sanghyuk's gaze across from him and the look in his eyes is nothing short of a smolder. It would be laughable if Hakyeon's hand weren't already on his thigh, sneaking inwards, if Jaehwan wasn't already itching and jonesing for some action.

They get back to the penthouse and the three of them almost immediately split off from the others and into their shared room, the tension so tangible between them Jaehwan can feel it clouding his vision and muffling his hearing from anything apart from the two of them.

Hakyeon presses him back against the door as soon as it's closed behind him and he's kissing him, nothing short of hungrily. It's entirely different from the kisses they've shared since he's been back, since they've begun 'properly dating' -- those hadn't been done with a goal in mind other than simply to kiss. These are nothing but a means to an end, some build-up to the finale.

Sanghyuk presses against Jaehwan's side and ducks his head to kiss along the side of his throat where he can, peel the collar of Jaehwan's shirt down and suck a mark into his clavicle. Jaehwan can't help but gasp into the kiss, clutching at the front of Hakyeon's shirt and just letting himself enjoy the moment a few seconds longer before he's pushing the two of them away, just slightly, breath coming out a little heavier.

They both look concerned -- like they're overstepped their boundaries -- and it warms something in Jaehwan's chest, that they care so much about him. If he was a more openly sentimental person he might linger on that feeling, but, instead, "So, who wants to go first? Or do you both want to go at the same time? Double dicking sounds fun."

Hakyeon levels him with an unsympathetic gaze, the corners of his mouth twitching and giving away his amusement, while Sanghyuk just openly laughs, pinching Jaehwan's side and calling him silly and cute and then backing him up towards the bed, still giggling, undoing the buttons of his shirt as he does.

It's fun. It's comfortable. It's almost intoxicating, being with them, and he can't get enough. When it's all said and done with, after they've finished and Hakyeon takes extra care cleaning him up with a warm cloth while Sanghyuk presses little kisses over his skin to ground him back in his sore, used body, he's satisfied in more ways than just sexually.

"I love you," he says into the open air, the words unfamiliar. He hasn't said them since his apology, too afraid that it was too soon, that he wasn't doing things properly like he wanted to if he said them too early.

Hakyeon smiles, soft, and lays himself down beside Jaehwan, tucking his nose against his shoulder and fitting an arm round his stomach to draw him close, murmuring, "We know."

Sanghyuk reaches for the comforter and tugs it up til it covers all three of them, settling in until he's firmly snuggled up as well, lips pressed into Jaehwan's hair, "We love you too."

It's silent after that, and it's comfortable, and Jaehwan's blood sits still in his veins. There's nowhere else he'd rather be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaand that's it lol. thanks for reading til the end <3 this fic isn't really everything i wanted it to be when i first started it, but i packed a lot of love and a Whack Shit Load of time into it, so it's gotta be somewhat decent even tho i dont ever want to have to read it again.
> 
> again, thanks to appia for literally sitting with me over the course of like almost 3 yrs to make sure i finished this stupid thing, and everyone else for being patient and listening to me whine ab it for forever on twitter.
> 
> any comments or kudos are very much appreciated, bc im a human being who craves validation just like everyone else!!! please let me know what u think 
> 
> follow me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/toastyhyun) if you wanna make friends or somethin. im v friendly and need more mutuals : (


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